𝓜𝓲𝓼𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓼

4 | where dreams die and wishes fade

[^this is a part of a poem written by Kamilla Tolnø, not me.]

{this chapter is a bit longer. Hope you'll like it.}

I remember being told to sit on the bench many times, but I couldn't stop the excited and nervous girl in me to shake my whole body. 
"When is she coming?" I had asked numerous times earning the same answer each and every single time.

She finally appeared eternities later, looking pale and exhausted. But she was still the most gorgeous woman to my little girl's eyes.
"MOM!" I had shouted, immediately running to her before closing tightly my arms around her waist.

I hadn't see her for too much time.

"I'm sorry mom, I've cleaned the whole house! It-it's perfectly net I swear!" had I said   desperately.

Her grey eyes wouldn't meet mine and with a hand gesture she pushed me away, making me stumble on my feet.
Quickly, strong hands held tightly around my arms bringing me back on the bench.
As my eyes were beginning to be watery, I saw her walking towards the front of this huge room, where a line of people wearing black and white dresses were waiting.

I hadn't understood a thing that had been said this day, like I had suddenly turned deaf.
All I could really remember was the way she rejected me, not aware of how sorry I was.

I remembered how she left this day. Without me.
She had refused to bring me back to our house.
Not even glancing at me when I begged her to take me back, tears all over my red face.

She just left me again.
But this time, she never came back.

ღ

Like the nights before, I woke up totally frightened wondering where I was. My eyes slowly adjusted to the lack of light in the room as I could feel my breathing getting caught in my lungs. Tears were rolling all over my face.
I quickly sit up, hiding my face between my knees.

Calm down Amanda.
No matter how many times I said it I couldn't seem to feel better. So without thinking I got out of my bed, then out of my room.

Arms crossed over my raising chest, I tried my best to muffle the noises I was making by bitting my lower lip as I was almost running towards the front door.
But I was soon enough stopped when I saw this bright white light behind me, creating a shadow in front of myself.
The sobs stopped as I was hearing steps coming closer to me.

Fuck. Calm down, Amanda, calm down, repeated my brain, making my breathing going back to normal. Or the most normal I could achieve right now.
I just had the time to dry my cheeks, knowing that they would still look puffy and red, before Miss Anderson came into view, her phone's light directed towards her shoes.

"Amanda? What are you doing here?" she asked, apparently not mad that I had been caught outside my room in the middle of the night.

Without answering I just tried to walk past her, hoping she would just let me go. But after only a few steps her hand gripped around my arm causing my stupid scared self to jump away with wide eyes.

"Sorry." she whispered, her hand falling back to her side.
"What's going on?"

Even though I could clearly feel her gaze on my face I couldn't find myself to look back at her.

"Just needed to use the restroom."
Only my red cheeks could betray me and show that I had cried.

"Are yo-are you sure you're okay? Did you cry?" she asked, more concerned than she should have been. Her hand went to meet my cheek but she quickly backed away, remembering what just happened seconds ago.