𝓜𝓲𝓼𝓽𝔂 𝓢𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓼

16 | my sunflower

"Miss! Look what I've done!" I called my young woman teacher, showing her the drawing I had just finished.
Kneeling near my table she observed the colorful paper, a strange expression on the face.

"That's... really amazing Amanda. Is that your momma?"

"Yes! And here that's me." My five year old self exclaimed, pointing to the girls holding hands in the large field of sunflowers.
"And these are my favorite flowers."

"Oh yeah? Why's that?"

My face broke into a large smile as I thought about them. "Coz they love the sun just as much as me."

My nice teacher didn't get the time to answer because my mom's voice just raised into the room, making me look up to the door where other parents were taking their children back as it was already the end of the day.

"Coming!" I exclaimed loudly, gathering my color pencils. "Bye Miss Rose!"

"Bye Amanda, take care." She whispered back, standing again on her legs as her arms were crossed against her chest.

When I arrived at the door I wrapped my arms around her as high as I could go, which were her legs. "Hi mommy."

"Stop." She groaned, slightly smacking my head with her leg, as she lit up a cigarette.
"Let's go."

Following her quietly towards the house I -as usual- bent down while walking so I won't smell this awful smoke invading my lungs, making me cough every time.
On our way outside the school my eyes lingered on my friend Lily, holding hands with her mom a few feet away.

Even though I didn't want to I heard what they were saying.
"How was your day honey?"

"Amazing! Miss Rose taught us so many things and we played hide and seek with my friends."

"Aww that's amazing. What would you like to eat tonight?"

"Can we have pastas with the red sauce?" My friend exclaimed, jumping like a puppy next to her mother.

"Alright, pastas it will be." She answered, leaving a quick kiss on her forehead.
They then hopped into this big white car, not allowing me to hear their conversation anymore.

As I didn't have nothing else to look at, my eyes met the back of my mom's head. She was walking fast like she had something super important to do at home, where Ben surely was.

For a moment I wondered why she didn't give me pet names like that, or didn't kiss my face.
But soon enough I realized that everybody was different, and had different ways to show love to others. I didn't care if she didn't do those stupid things with me, because I loved her no matter what.

"Mom." I addressed her, walking faster so I could stand next to her.
"I love you." I announced, smiling so hugely that she could see my little teeth.

This time she didn't answer back, continuing on smoking. She didn't always say it back, maybe I was annoying by saying it too much?

Looking down at my feet I decided to remain quiet until we reached home.

ღ

As silent tears were rolling down to my neck, I listened to the distant muffled noises. My head was laying on my knees that I was holding close to me, trying to calm my shaking body.

I wasn't excepting it, but as a déjà-vu, a big sweater fell onto my shoulders. Remaining still I heard my teacher's voice break the silence of the scene. "Please put it on, you're freezing."