Summer camp • Boyxboy

Camp fire

I started my walk home to the cabin. It was times like these where I wished we had some type of transportation, since my whole body ached. My ribs were sore, and it honestly hurt to breathe, but that's what I get for letting myself get kicked over and over again

Heh, why did I do that again? I mean, i know it's for jorge, but it damn near didn't even help anything. If jorge and abby didn't come into the office with the fight video, he wouldn't have even gotten a consequence.

But it's over now. I can just go to the cabin, talk about whatever jorge wants to talk about, and then kiss him goodnight.

I opened the door to the cabin, seeing him sitting at the dining table with his head hands. Shit. Did I do something wrong?

"Hey,' I said, startling him, and making his head pop up," what was it that you wanted to talk about?" I asked. He took a breath in, wiping the corners of his eyes, and looked at me.

"I think we should break up when summer ends." he said.

I let the words linger around me.
I tried to take it in, I tried to convince myself it was real, and not a dream.
My heart hurt.

"Why?" I croaked out.
He looked down to the ground.

"Benji, you'll be living two hours away from me. I'll be going to school here, and you'll be going to school back home where you live. We won't ever get to see each other." he said, trying to sound calm.

"We can facetime, everynight, everyday." I said. He just shook his head.

"I can't do long distance benji. I just can't." he spoke. Tears were slipping past my eyes in an endless cycle of sad.

"Do you love me?" I asked.
He was quiet, and nodded his head.

"Do you love me?" I asked again. He gave me the same response of his head nodding up and down.

"Say it, I-I need to hear you say it." I said.
"I lo-love you," he croaked, and instantly started to sob," I love you so much benji." He said, through broken cries.

"We can get through the distance, We can, Okay?'" I said, walking over to him and enveloping him in a hug.

"I think- I think I'm just scared." he said.
I pulled back from the hug to look at him.

"Scared of what?" I asked, rubbing my thumb in soothing circles over his cheeks.

"Of love." He spoke.
It was quiet. I didn't really know what to say.

"Of love?" I asked.
"I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. I guess I'm scared you might find someone else," he said, looking away from me.

"No," I said, making him look at me again,"No. I won't find someone else, I don't want to. Why would I want to do that if i have you?" I asked.

He smiled, and brought me in for a kiss. It's every day I wonder how this boy is mine.
I smiled, and looked at him, disconnecting our lips.

"Now, will you rub my back or something? Literally my entire body hurts."
-

Today is the last day at camp. For the last day the camp always does a campfire, where everyone sits around this fire, and they roast marshmallows, and make s'mores.

Well, that's what jorge told me at least.

We walked down to the fire pit, taking our seat on a log, that was hallowed out and had cushions inside.

We sat down with all of our friends.

Cayman and addy were talking about some video game that they play together, and who was better.

Maliki and Olivia were cuddled together, just in their own world.

Abby was braiding noes hair, since he was complaining about it being in his face.

Xowie was filing her nails, and talking to jorge about how she wants to give him and acrylic set next year.

And me, well, I was watching it all happen.

Sometimes, when I sit back and watch my group of new friends, I wonder how I even put up with my old friends.

I guess my internalized homophobia was so bad, that I wanted to be surrounded with people who hated gay people as much as I hated myself.

But the second I get home, if they don't accept me, they're gone. Out of my life. And I guess I'll have to tell my mom too.

Sometimes I think about my future, and how if I didn't go to this camp, if it would've changed.

Obviously I don't know my future yet, but it has definitely changed its course since this camp.

Or, maybe, maybe I'm exactly on the right track, and this is how it's supposed to be.

Everyone else from the camp were singing, chatting, and eating s'mores.

Our group finally got the turn to get up and make them, and they were delicious.

But, cayman got some in addys hair.

"Babe, I love you, but I swear to god you're eating this shit out of my hair later." She said, laughing.

"You'll FaceTime me, right benji?" Xowie asked, frowning.

"Yes ma'am. How could I live without my new best friend." I said, fake sniffling.

She laughed and hugged me.

I leant over to jorge, wrapping my arms around him, and just enjoying his company, as he and noen talked about who's sense of style was better.

I definitely think jorge.

I'll always remember this camp, the friends I made, the memories I had.

The person I fell in love with.

There were hard times, but I pushed through them and made the best of it.

Before this summer, I spent my days last summer drinking, and going to parties. I spent it hooking up with girls, and sneaking out of the house late at night to go do shit.

I spent it disrespecting my poor mother, which I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for.

I spent it not being me.

So thank you, summer camp, I'll see you next year.