Always Him (Always #1)

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Sadie

After leaving Blaine, I fell into what felt like a void. I don't know how long I was there or why I was even there. Why wasn't I with Blaine still? I should've been able to stay with him until I was back in my body. I wasn't with him. I was somewhere else, far from him. I didn't understand why, and no one else was near me to answer my questions; I was alone again. Alone in this void.

I'd been able to say my goodbye, though, and I heard it back from him. That was the important thing; I'd gotten what I had lost before, the chance to say a proper goodbye. That had been a small relief that would feel stronger later when I got a chance to process what had happened to me, what I had experienced.

Occasionally I'd still hear the voices. The void remained dark, even as the voices spoke. I heard my mom and my dad talking about me, about Blaine, about Jasper and me. I heard Carly though, most of what she said was in a whisper, trying not to scare me, I guess; I didn't understand what she said, only heard the vibrations of her voice. Mostly though, I heard Jasper. I don't think he slept. Day in and day out, at least I believe days had passed, at least I thought they'd passed, I heard him talk. Sometimes he sang, sometimes he hummed; it was a welcome sound in the void.

When it wasn't only one voice, it was all of them; they kept talking about me, about me waking up, whenever that was going to be, what had happened to make me lose focus on the road and get myself into this accident, how I was doing, what I would be doing, how I'd cope with everything. It was overwhelming, and I had nowhere to go to escape it.

Mostly, they talked about my leg. I couldn't understand much when they spoke of the leg, everything was in a rush, and I struggled to keep pace with their words. My brain wasn't processing like it used to, or maybe they honestly spoke faster than usual, trying to hide the truth from me. Keep me from going into shock once I opened my eyes. I knew they were being careful in case I woke up while they talked; they didn't want me hearing too much too soon. What they said didn't stay in my head for long; the void swept them from my memory.

Time was lost to me after a while, becoming nothing. I slowly felt myself begin to descend from the endless waves of the ocean. My brain was becoming alert; I looked around; I was still surrounded by darkness.

Lower and lower I went. The lower I went the clearer the voices. Clearer were my surroundings. I began to panic as I was pushed from the void, moved into something different. Was I going back to my body? I sure hoped so; I didn't want to know where else I could possibly go and endure before my body was my own again.

Other than the voices that were gradually becoming clearer, I heard beeping, loud and annoying beeping. I felt pricks in my skin; I felt soreness in my bones. My face hurt, my arms hurt, my legs hurt, I just hurt. I hurt everywhere. Felt like I was on fire in places. I also felt lighter, just as I did before leaving Blaine and the river trail Eden. My body was a circus of feelings and pains; I wanted it to end.

I felt an itch then, just where the weightless feeling was. I tried to itch it, though I couldn't remember how I was supposed to move them, then came the loss of where I was supposed to move my fingers to. The itch was relentless; I grunted with the effort to move my fingers, they wouldn't budge. Trying to move my fingers brought waves of pain through me; the pain escaped me in squeaky whimpers. Nothing was working; nothing was relieving this itch.

I opened my eyes. The ceiling above me was white. It was tiled. This wasn't my room. I didn't know where I was. I wanted to be in my room. I wanted to be at home. I wanted to be with Jasper, and I wanted Jasper to hold me, tell me it was going to be okay. I was scared.