Through the eyes of you - a Heartstopper fanfic

History haunts

Charlie's POV:

"I'm not leaving until you talk to me" he huffs. I don't know if I'm happy or irritated that Nick is outside my house. "Not here" I say only loud enough for him to hear. I don't want Ben to know he's here, I've already hurt him enough tonight. He doesn't need to see Nick and I together so soon. I open the car door without saying anything else. I slip in the car laying my head against the window. Nick gets in the car and turns the music down. "Where?" Is all he asks. "Just drive" is all I can manage to get out. I'm exhausted. I knew I needed to break up with Ben but I didn't think this would all take place in one day. I fought with Ben, kissed Nick, fought with and broke up with Ben and here I am in Nicks car once again all in a matter of 24 hours.

Nick drives for about 15 mins before he pulls into an abandoned park. Most of the structures are over grown and falling over. I get out the car and head to the swing set. It's the only thing that looks stable enough to sit on. I sit down careful to test the seat before putting my full weight on it. I look over at Nick who's now leaning against the car just watching me. He eyes and nose are red. I can't tell if it's from the cold or if he's been crying. Probably both. I push my feet against the ground, making the swing go back and forth. I know I need to talk to Nick, but Ben's words are ringing in my ears. He's straight, your just a rebound, no one would love someone as pathetic as you. Nicks touch snaps me out of my thoughts.

Nicks pov:

I walk over to Charlie on the swing set. He doesn't notice as I approach him. I start to give him a little push. I know he's not ready to talk yet, but I want him to know I'm here for him when he's ready. After a few minutes pass by his body relaxes against my touch. I walk around the swing so that I'm in front of him. Gripping the metal chains I slowly pull him to a stop. Crouching down I look up at him. He stares down at me with a blank expression. "What happened?" I breathe letting out all the air that I was holding in. "Am I just a rebound to you?" He inhales sharply. "Char" I grip his hand. "Of course not." I look in his eyes for any sign of relief, but he still looks numb. "I know from an outsiders view it may seem that way. I just got out of a relationship and a few weeks later I'm kissing you. But when I met you, you brought out sides of me that I never knew were buried." I squeeze his hand tighter just hoping he can feel my need for him. I don't know what Ben said but I can tell by his expression that it did a number on him; one that I'll spend forever undoing if I have too. "Okay" he looks back down at me and a small smile slips out. "What happened?" I asked again hoping this time he wouldn't change the subject. "I broke up with Ben." He looks away trying to hide the pain. I look down trying to hold in the sly smile that is forming on my lips. I know he's in pain, but him breaking up with Ben means I really have a chance. "He threw our picture against the wall when I walked out the door." "I really hurt him Nick." Tears are rolling down his cheeks again. I wipe the tears away. "You did the right thing. He's been hurting you for a while too." I try to reassure him. "You don't understand" he shakes his head. "Explain it to me?" I ask. I don't want to hear about Ben, but I need to push my feelings aside and be here for him right now. I stand up and walk to the other swing and sit down. He nods his head and begins the story of him and Ben.

Charlie's POV:

"We met in high school. He came into the band room looking for his ROTC friends." Talking about this hurts. But I need Nick to understand why this isn't so easy. "His friends weren't there, but he seen me eating alone in the corner. I had been outed a few weeks earlier and the football team was bullying me." I see Nick stiffen at the mention of the football team. "He sat down asking me what was wrong. I was at a point where I was so depressed, I didn't care what I said or did. So I answered back that I was doomed to be alone. He started listing all the reasons why I would find someone." My breathing is shaky but I force myself to continue. "I had known Ben for a few years but we never talked much. The next thing I know he shuts up my rambling by kissing me.  I was shocked, I  didn't even know he was gay. He explained that he's had a crush on me for a while and that he wasn't really looking for his friends. He just wanted to see me. He took out his phone and took a picture of us. The start of something new is what he called it. We were inseparable the rest of the year. We dated all of senior year but in secret. His friends had started to make fun of him for hanging out with the gay kid. He slowly started to pull away that summer." I look down at the ground trying not to have a panic attack. I look over at Nick. He tries to force a smile, letting me know it's okay to continue. "A few weeks before summer was over. He had told his dad we were having a sleepover. His parents didn't know we were together or that I was even gay. His father was a colonel in the army and was very homophobic. He walked in to bring us pancakes the morning after I slept over." "Oh char" is all Nick could say. "We were in bed together. His dad didn't take it well. He shipped out for boot at the end of the summer. When he came back he wasn't the same. He was distant and always distracted. We moved out together to get away from his dad but the damage had already been done." I weep. Nick gets up and wraps his arms around me. "He's not as bad as everyone makes him out to be." I whisper. Nick pulls back wiping the tears from my eyes. "I'm so sorry Char, I didn't know.." he sniffs. His eyes are full of tears. "He just doesn't know how to accept being gay. He's been told his entire life that being gay is bad and shameful. He has two sides to him fighting everyday. Who he is and who everyone wants him to be." I make eye contact with Nick not knowing what to say. "That's doesn't give him an excuse to be shitty to you though. You deserve better." I nod my head in agreement.

"So..." changing the subject. Enough feeling sorry for myself I think. I start to swing again pulling Nick out of my way. "Your uh.. not straight?" I whisper. Nick let's out a chuckle. "No Char, if me kissing you wasn't enough indication, I'm not straight." I let out a loud laugh covering my mouth. It's well past midnight now. "How long have you known?" "Since that day on the bed when I pinned you down. But I think I've always found guys attractive but girls too. I don't know." I blush at the memory. "It's okay to not know." I change the subject. My heart is racing at the idea. "You know what would help me figure it out?" He smirks. "What?" My heart feels like it's going to launch it's self out of my chest. "I mean I think kissing you would help" his face turns an apple red, my favorite shade recently. "Oh really" I snort. Nick smirks again and leans forward pressing his lips on mine. Fireworks go off in every part of my body. He reaches down wrapping his arm around my waist pulling me up and closer to him. I slide my hand up lightly running my hands through his hair. He deepens the kiss pressing his lips harder on mine. I respond back kissing him even harder and slightly tugging on his hair. He let out a small moan pulling back to look at me. His eyes are full of lust and wonder as if he was an astronaut who had just discovered space. His phone buzzes in his pocket interrupting the burning desire between us. He flashes the screen so that I can see. He answers the phone "NICK NELSON ITS WAY PAST YOUR BED TIME" Darcy screams into the phone. Nick reaches the phone out gesturing me to speak. "Uh sorry Darcy" I let out a laugh. "Oh carry on" she hangs up the phone. "I think we should get back" Nick eyes sparkle in laughter. "We?" I ask. "Oh uh yeah.. I figured you didn't want to go back home.." my head falls as I remember why we are here. "Oh uh yeah. Can I sleep on your couch?" Nick face blushes "oh uh I mean I was thinking... yeah sure the couch is fine." My face flashes red when I realize what he meant. I take off running to the car too embarrassed to finish the conversation. "Ready?" He climbs in. "Let's go." I reach over to squeeze his hand. I'm still depressed at the idea of Ben no longer being in my life. But I look over at Nick smiling. I just know this is the right thing. That's he's the right thing. Those damn butterflies return to my stomach at the thought of Nick and I. What have we gotten ourselves into? I wonder to myself leaning back against the car seat.

Authors note: first of I'm sorry for the ups and downs in this chapter. I wanted to show the side of breaking up with someone you love but is no longer good for you. Sometimes we fall out of love and that's okay. Not everything works out but there's always a reason. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I had a lot of fun writing it!
Secondly, I never expected to get this many readers and people looking forward to my updates and I appreciate every single one of you. I will be trying to update at the very least once a week but it's normally up to 3-4 times a week. I have big plans for this story and we are long from it being over. I hope you guys continue to enjoy!