Everlark-Growing together again

Ch. 6 Missing you

Katniss' P.O.V.

He opens the door for me and I slowly step inside. As he comes in behind me, he turns and closes the door giving me time to look around.  My eyes wander and I'm staring at broken glasses in the kitchen, shattered windows and paint brushes scattered across the floor. I feel nothing but pure guilt. I caused this. And I can't help him. Peeta coughs.

"Sorry, I uh, I haven't had much time to clean up around here" he says as I follow him to the living room. He kicks around some glass on the floor, making a clear path as he leads me to the couch.

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"Here," he says patting the empty spot beside him. "sit." So I do. Then he quickly gets up. "Can I get you something to eat?"

"Uh no thanks." I reply, the last thing on my mind is food. He walks into the kitchen, leaving me on the couch.  I can just barely see him through the doorway, but it sounds like he's rummaging through the cupboards.

"Are you sure you're not hungry Katniss?!" he yells from the kitchen.

"I'm sure!"

"Want a drink?" he calls from the fridge.

"No, I'm good!"  I call back.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" I say, laughing a little.

As I wait for him to come back, fixing what ever he's getting for himself, I look down at the broken glass Peeta kicked out of the way before. I wonder what it's from. How did he manage to make such a mess? He must have had a horrible attack. Poor Peeta.

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"Katniss?" Peeta says quietly, interrupting my thoughts.

"Wha-?" I look up. He's standing over me with a glass of water in one hand and some sort of pastry in the other. He gives me a small smile and extends his arms out to me.

"Peeta I said I didn't want anything."

"Come on Katniss, at least have a bite?" I sigh and take the pastry.

"Thank you." I reply, grateful. Maybe I'm a little hungry.

"Here." he says handing me the water.

"Thanks." I say, taking a sip.

"No problem. Now eat."

"Okay, okay" I say watching as Peeta stares at me to make sure I eat. I take a bite, and it's delicious. I haven't eaten in days and this tastes amazing. I dig in.

"Did you make this?" I ask as I'm chewing. "It's so good!"

He grins. "Yeah, I made a whole bunch last night."

I finish quickly and take another drink of water.

"Hey, so what happened?" I say suddenly, changing the subject.

"What do you mean?" he asks innocently.

"This." I say, gently kicking the glass. "Did you have another attack?"

"Yeah, I don't really keep track anymore.  The only way I can control myself is by feeling pain. So I held on to a few glasses last night. When they broke in my hands it helped me calm down. I punched the windows a while ago and I still haven't fixed them yet."  

"Oh" Is all I say. How come I never hear him? I should have noticed something was wrong.

"Well what about the paint brushes?" I ask, looking at the floor.

"Oh yeah."  He says as if just remembering. "I usually paint the bad thoughts that come after the attacks are over. It helps me to forget." There's a long silence.

"Baking also gets my mind off of things, which is why I made the pastries last night."  he adds.

"Oh." Is all I say again.

I take his hand.  "Peeta if you ever need me I'm here."

"Thanks Katniss"I take his other hand in mine. His wrists feel rough.  I look up at him, confused. He pulls away and starts to get up, but I don't let him.

"Peeta." I whisper. I roll up his sleeves so I can get a look. His hands and arms are cut up and covered in red scars.

"It's fine Katniss." He says, rolling his sleeves back down.

"No." I reply.

"Is this what you do during your attacks?" I ask him.

"Some of it, yeah."

"Peeta-"

"I'm fine." He says again, trying to convince me, but I don't believe him. I sigh and pull him into a hug. He tenses up at first but then wraps his arms around me. My eyes start to water, but I don't let any tears fall. How can I not see that he is doing worse than I am. I start to shake, but I don't cry.

"Katniss, it's okay, you're okay." He whispers. Oh Peeta. Here he is making sure I'm okay, when really he's the one who needs help. I pull away.

"Peeta, I have to go, it's starting to get dark.

"Oh." he says, getting up.

"Um, okay, yeah, uh hang on, I'll walk you home."

"No, you don't have to. I live right next door, like 2 feet away."

"25 yards, to be exact." he says, with a smirk.  

I laugh, remembering the day he said that. "Yeah." I reply.

"Hey, before you leave, take some of these." he says, putting the pastries he made yesterday into a jar.

"Oh, are you sure?"

"Positive." he smiles, handing me the jar.

"Thanks."

We walk to the door and he holds it open for me. Before I can say bye, he steps outside and starts walking.

"Peeta, you don't have to-"

"Too late"

We get to my doorstep and I tell him thanks again. We hug and I feel his lips brush against my neck, making me shiver.

"Goodbye Katniss."

And with that he turns and walks away.

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