Sophomore soliloquies

Part:10 "Im fine"

"I'm fine" 10/30:2023 4:36

I was looking in the mirror
Saying " im fine"
Looking in the mirror
"Positive vibes"
Tears drip down my squinting eyes
Smiling mouth
Whispered cries
Silent shouts
gap between thighs
Toss out all doubts
Stop asking why
Drown in podcasts
Breathe in cartoons
Lose your mind in fantasy
Your losing you
Breathe out painful muscles
Broken bones inside your shoes
Are just messages to your brain
They mean nothing
If your never the same
Blocking out notifications
Coaches exploiting u for fame
Your lucky Pennie's rusting
Heads or tails it's no one's game
Looking back
I can't watch
I'm still there
Ticking clocks
What to wear
Tight black cloths
Look in the mirror
Smiling goth
Positive notes below my hands
Shaking
Delivering
Everyone else's demands
Block out the pessimism in the stands
Eyes glazed over
Moving hands
Convincing
Say I'm fine ?
.....................
I know I am
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TW: themes of SA, 
October ?

Ignored

I'll sit on the bench
While they're out and making out
I'll sit on the bench waiting for my winning play
Why are they corroding
Wack-ing me with sticks
I'm falling under pressure
As they mold my skin in bricks
I said I wasn't interested
You grab me by my neck
I said I'm fine just dancing
You dealt another trick
Felt me up to wring me out
Pushed you away a silent shout
A half made smile 2am frown
This is how
emotions ground
How can you ever think that's ok
I said I wasn't interested
You forced yourself onto me claiming it's just a game.
"Hypocrite"
I said
hypocrite can you not tell
This space jam bunny's got money for bail
She's not here for your pleasure so stop claiming that I'm yours
Just because I dressed up nice
And danced around
I'm not a whore
Nothing wrong with that but my boundaries are my own
I said go find another girl to kiss
And please leave me alone
he grabbed at me again once more
Do you not get the hint?
When I push away why don't you flinch
It's
a blatant statement im not ok.
Why is this world a man's with silent rules girls must obey.
Creeps
Everywhere
Like bugs in underwear
Crawling up the walls
Spying on your calls
Creeps inside your lobby's
Creeps inside your schools
Pure clean transparent water
Poured into polluted sea's and pools.
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Hanging Leaf

The snow sails sollumly down to the sidewalk in light.
It sprints in shadow
Does an autumn leaf want to be admired?
Or does it want its space.
Blooming in isolation.
For if picked too quickly.
You cause its unrighteous fate
in the slosh on the pavement.
I'm an autum leaf. 
Unwavering on a branch.
I do not want to be teezed,
touched, or plucked.
Let me live and breathe
with my lungs up in the tree.
My looks do not grant you access or permission
My branches
Deserve to be free
To grow and live and glow
Without hinderance
Without fee
from any one of you. 
Travelers passing through
Look down at your hands
Put them in your pockets
Listen to the rustle of quaint demands
Painted pictures
Fall gracefully to land
On their own time
In their own space
In their own image
Do not disturb our grace.
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Melted

Do slowflakes get annoyed.
When we stop them on thier fall.
Melting prematurely
Little crown of droplet balls
reduced to hair accessories.
In occupation they sparkle when defeated
Is that the purpose.
To entrance when you die.
Like a supernova
Like a house in flames
Like the sun setting from the sky
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