4/20 or 4/21 1:00am
On the couch
Y try
Why do I even try
The universe is testing me with every time I lie
And I cry to the sky and wonder why as it rains down
Someone tell me what I'm here for as I tell out to the clouds
take the pill of the matrix that I'm in
Someone tell me to shut up
I fuck it up before I begin
So I know it will be good for you deserve the best deserve the truth
as I haven't even learned my lesson
Tested detested and keep pushing back
When will I know that saying no is an attack
When will I learn that I'm the only person I can ever lean on to get back on
my feet
yet living in a Fantacy isn't any good for me
So I fall through the clouds
Cloud 9? Illusion fogs my vision I'm in a trap suffocating vines
someone anyone
Am I someone you can't like
back
Wonder what the fuck is wrong with me I said I'm fine but why when he and I don't wanna talk about it cause right you see
they'd be perfect
When everyone I know can see right through me I know it
Finally the way Lexi feels I feel it deep I know the real life real strife wanna throw my middle finger to the sky I don't even know why I even
Try
I turned my emotions back on I'm scared to turn them back off
Wrap me in a blanket tell me it was all a bluff
I'll put in a good word.
I'll see what I can do
With a close friend
But if something bad happened I won't hesitate to hurt you
Hope
And luck
And looking for stuff
This passion longing in my soul is burning through my liver hole and 0.12 is just the toll why self destruct when that isn't the goal
I don't even know but I know the truth
Fuck it's so fucking hard to wait for you
Im really trying I really do
But every hope is a false sense
Every eclipse leaves me in the dark and it's dense and it's thick and it's black and I can't find the light to see my way back I don't have a lighter
But you have one
Won't hand it to me
but you'll hand it to the one
Why am I so stupid again and again
Why am I so stupid why even fuck
with that
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Surrounded by stoners
And I'm drunk
One guy is sober
And I'm not.
And I thought there was something but I run my funking mouth
I hope they're happy
And sharks I'm
Out
(Mic drop)
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4/21/2024 2:10am
Not for me
I think I like the guy whose in love with my best friend
In love with the guy I think I know how this will end
Fuck
My emotions she deserved the best
Fuck I'll get over someone who doesn't even like me back
Fuck it'll be ok
Trust me you deserve the best
FUck
I know I'm waiting for a reason
I know my luck is real
You have fun in college
While I turn and churn the wheel
Every spoke a splinter pokes
Through my skin as I begin each new quote
Of my life
And around I turn like the thin blade I'm on
I know life has a purpose am I forcing mine into one
Help
I'm stranded but I know how to swim
I can see the island from here
What were you gonna ask
Was it on a whim
Did you even like me or am I delusional do you even like her I know you do
And I'm scared that you talk to me to get to her but you care
And I'm sorry that I can't be the one whose there
even though our friendships killing me it's my burden to share I'm glad that I can confide in a good guy friend
I'm glad that for my friend you'll be there
I feel like Tiaga from Toradora
Riuji caught my stare
He's in love with Minori
And I can't even blame him here
So go and run that race
Again show her you care
Show her that there are good guys in the world
My own feelings are my burden to bear
So I'll talk of dragons and tigers
And I'll talk of ghosts never seen
And I'll shut up and close the door
On loves that just weren't meant for me.
————————
4/21/2024 2:27am
Texts to my best friends
IM DRUNK
I'm rhyming and drunk and want to turn my emotions back off. And I can't stop the poetry this sentence is a run on. Back on
The adhd meds
I'm done but need to work to get ahead
And now I'm crushing on a guy who likes one of my close friends
So I'm putting in a good word for him
He asked to hang out tonight just to sneak that in
And it was fun and fine and whatever. We were with half the frat so it wasn't just us together
But it shouldn't fuvking matter and I should be happy for her
And I shouldn't give a fuck
But that's what emotions are for
And vodka
I'm drunk
—————————————
4/21/2024 2:36am
Not that girl
Listen to I'm not that girl
Sung by Idina Menzel
Used to sing it to my old dead dog before he ..
Why do I care
I decided to live on this earth to experience emotions shared
but I don't even know you.
I liked the potential of you
And now
I don't
I never know.
What the fuck do I do?
I brush myself off
And I lift my chin up
And I smile for them
And I laugh to myself
And look at the ground when tears stream down cause I'm still waiting
And heaven knows.
That right now
I'm not that girl.
I know your soul
I know your true
Don't have a bad bone in your body
Or do you?
Never mind
I don't care
I shouldn't care
Why do I care ?
I never used to
Why do I now?
An aching chest
Is it the air
Tightening around me
What is this feeling
I want to run away from it all been doing that all my life
But I sit on my floor
And I write something nice
To a tortured poet. This pen is a knife
Where I cut down my dragons as they fry me to a crisp what were you going to say
In the time between that I missed
Before I interrupted
Can I please turn back the clock
Of time
I don't think I ever can
So I'll pour out the wine
Of what could've been
Or what never would be
Because you liked her
Before you even invited me
Or talked to me so there's no treason
I'm worshiping the idea
That everything must happen for a reason.
————————————————————-
YOU ARE READING
Sophomore soliloquies
PoetryIf you've ever felt burdened by being a sophomore in college your not alone. I'm writing these and posting them as I go along. So we can feel less alone together, in a complicated world, within a song. Please feel free to comment, critique, or ask...
