Since November...

Week 2 recap (besides Friday):

Since week 2 is now over, I shall explain the recap.

Honestly not much happened. We were allowed to sit wherever we want in lunch now. On Monday, I sat with Evie, Faye, Tara, and Josefina. Then that evening, Evie texted me saying, Can't sit with you tmr, Tara has a lot to tell me.

I tried not to be bitter.

Okay!

So the next day, while I was trying to find Faye, I saw Josefina, waving me over. I hesitated, knowing she was slightly toxic, but I decided to just give in. We talked a little before Faye joined us. Alicia was at Evie's table and she tried to say something to me.

"What?" I asked, smiling.

"Wanna switch spots?" Alicia asked. I shook my head. I couldn't leave Faye, plus I didn't want to be left-out when Tara and Evie spoke Spanish.

On Wednesday, even though Tara probably finished telling Evelyn about everything, I sat with Faye.

Then Thursday...

Before I went to sit with Faye, I visited Evie and she hugged me tightly. Then she kissed me on the cheek.

"Wha-" I was shocked. None of my friends would do that- not even my childhood friends. She laughed. Faye's mouth was open in shock.

But I knew it was a friendly gesture not a romantic one, and it made me relieved. I let go of her and went with Faye. But I felt slightly sad that I wouldn't get to sit next to her.

I wondered why I was stopping myself.

"Hey I wanna sit with Evie; let's go," I told her. Faye shrugged. We walked back to the table; Evie and a new girl in their friend group, Carrie made space for me. Faye couldn't fit.

I frowned while Evie hugged me again.

"You can sit in front of us," I offered. Faye shrugged and sat down on the table in front of us.

Evie rocked me back and forth in her arms, and kissed me on the check again. I shook my head, smiling.

We stood up to get food, and when I sat back down...

It didn't start too bad.

I was mostly focused on eating my food while Evie and Tara kept on laughing and talking in Spanish. I looked at them, feeling ignored. They barely talked to me.

After some time, Evie told me, "I will tell you the drama in Snapchat,"

I tensed as anger was boiling inside of me. Why do I have such a huge temper? I didn't answer and didn't meet her eyes. But millions of words swarmed inside my head.

Why Snapchat? Why not now? Why can't you understand that I sat here to TALK to you, not listen to you talk to your new best friend! Why did you manipulate me into thinking you won't ignore me? Why? Why? Why? Why did I grow attached to you? Why did I decide to sit with you instead of Faye?

I stayed silent and tried to enjoy my food. Even though the lunch food was better than most days, it still didn't taste good.

I was mostly sad during lunch with a bit of anger.

Sadness swallowed me in math class.

I barely listened to the teacher as I remembered before lunch. I was telling everyone, "What's good?", dabbing everyone up, and smiling. I was feeling extremely happy before. I can't remember that happiness.

Sadness eventually grew into anger. I broke the bracelet she gave me a week before. I felt horrible and good at the same time. I wanted her to feel the same pain. I didn't want that.