Since November...

August 28th, 2023:

Morning: I prayed to God that I wouldn't get dress-coded and forced to wear a belt. Thankfully, I slipped right past the teacher.

When I was walking to my homeroom classroom, I saw one of my guy friends, Max near the door.

I pretended to hit him with my breakfast and he tried to dodge it. I fixed him with a glare before I went inside the classroom. First thing I did was unstack the rest of the chairs because none of the kids bothered to do it. While I was putting the chairs in place, many kids came in.

Social Studies: We had to do our projects for the whole period. I tried my best on it, hoping that I would get at least a 95% or more.

ELA: The only thing that happened was worth mentioning when I had to pass the papers out for the class. I decided to go to Lewis's and Roman's desks last, for reasons unknown. When I finally gave him the paper, he aggressively grabbed the paper and said, "Give me my paper," I glared at him before going off.

Besides that, the class went by faster than usual. It was easier than most days, I suppose. We didn't have to write as much. Nothing really happened.

A.R.: At first, we had to do silent reading time. Alicia and I read a book together. Then when we had free time, we asked the teacher if we could go to the social studies' teacher classroom to get the chips he owed us. When we went to his classroom, I saw Evie and I waved at her, grinning hard. I also saw Faye and waved at her. A girl who was my friend last year comes to me and hugs me. The teacher gave us the chips. I wish I was in that class.

Lunch: I saw Evie at the back tables with Tara's new "friends" and I had a bad feeling. Regardless, I went up to her and hugged her. I saw Tara with candy in her hand and I immediately reminded her she owed me chips. When the teachers tell us to sit down, Evie smiles at me.

"Well, bye," She told me. My face fell. Of course, I should've known.

I texted her two days ago that she doesn't have to sit with me at lunch. She said kk.

I tried not to worry too much about that answer but...

That meant she didn't like sitting with me.

That meant I was the second choice.

That meant she was tired of me.

Bored of me.

That meant she was only sitting with me because she felt bad.

"Bye," I mustered a smile and went off. I hope Evie couldn't sense my sadness.

Faye and I sat together and I was so grateful that she stuck by me. She was a true friend.

Math: Callie wasn't here, so there was basically an empty seat between me and Lewis. I tried not to be too upset when he asked to sit in a different spot. The teacher said no.

Here are the things that happened that period (not in order):

When I came in, I saw Lewis standing in my spot, talking to Alicia. I tried not to let jealousy get to me and I came up to him. "Move," I told him as I gently (but firmly) pushed him away. He immediately went without a word.

I started to get super angry and got the letter out that Evie gave to me last week. I didn't have the heart to rip the letter up but I did crumble it up a bit and made comments like Stop lying. Of course you can lie. Am I? Am I really your best friend? Just admit you're tired of me.

Alicia was concerned and wanted to know what happened. I told her I would tell her when we had free time. In the meantime, she made me smile a lot.

When we had like two minutes to do our work together, I explained to her the situation. "It's just that," I said after telling her the lunch situation. "If I'm her best friend then why must she not sit with me at lunch and make me her second choice? Lord, I'm so clingy as a best friend,"

After some more free time, she asked me, "Then why is Tara her first choice?" I tried not to let the tears fall. "I suppose she knows Spanish and she's more fun. Maybe Evie would like me better if I knew Spanish," Alicia tried to reassure me and I sighed. "She's probably tired of me. Or even bored. Or done with me," Sadness crept into my voice. Alciia kept on trying to reassure me and I decided that it was enough venting.

When me and Alicia needed help, Lewis mostly helped her which made me a bit jealous. I hated it. I hated how possessive I was.

He temporarily sat in Callie's spot twice. The first time, I nearly jumped out of my seat and he went. The second time, when I saw him behind me (I was turned away from him), I groaned. "Again?" I questioned. He went back to his seat.

I threw the letter Evie gave me and it landed near Lewis. He picked up the paper and read the opening of the note. "Evie?" he said. "Please give it back to me," I firmly said. He gave the letter back to me. "Nah, she's my sister," he joked. Alicia wrinkled her nose. "Now I know for a fact, she ain't your sister,"

Intervention: I was at a table with Aaron and Lazo, of course. There was also another girl who wasn't that imporant and who wasn't here last year and skipped a couple days of school. Here's what happened:

I broke a pencil and Aaron and Lazo burst into laughter.

Lazo tried to take the letter from Evie, but I kept a sharp eye on him.

When the teacher asked if four is a factor of one hundred; my brain not working made me say out loud, "No- wait- yeah,"

I did my independent practice quickly. After that I did homework and wrote in my prompt journal. I ended up writing, WHY AM I YOUR SECOND CHOICE IF I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND? WHY DOES IT HURT SO BAD? WHY DID I GROW SO ATTACHED TO YOU?

Lewis finished his exit ticket before me. I glared at him while he looked like he was trying to hide a smile. So, it's war then.