Enamour [boyxboy]

Chapter 31 - Hesitation

Chapter 31

Hesitation

•Jake's POV•

I left Amanda's place early Sunday morning.

Mom and dad were coming home tomorrow, but I wanted to get back in time for school, and I had an errand to run.

Most of the wedding-goers had left, despite both Amanda and Mark's best friends sleeping over for a night or two.

The three-hour drive back home was silent, and I would've killed to hear Ethan's voice beside me once again, chatting on about something important to him, or ranting about something – or even singing to some Taylor Swift.

But instead I was left in silence. I considered putting on Halsey, but I knew that would make it even worse. I didn't need any more self-sabotage than I already inflicted on myself.

The sun was only just rising when I pulled up beside Ethan's quiet house. Both his and his mom's car were in the driveway, so I parked my car along the gutter, just before the mailbox. I sat there for a moment, thinking, debating, listening to the world slowly wake from its slumber in the chill morning.

For a moment, I decided to confront Ethan and apologize, to try and ease his pain, to make him understand. But it was a fleeting thought that passed through my mind before Amanda's words ran through my mind again and I realized I was better off just dropping off Ethan's stuff.

I got out of the car and opened the back door to haul out Ethan's suitcase. I'd managed to pack everything into it, and I had scoured the hotel room multiple times, making sure I didn't forget a single thing.

I shut the door then, resting the quite-heavy suitcase on the gutter. I told myself I wouldn't do this; that I wouldn't look up to Ethan's window, praying the blinds were open and he was standing there, watching me, that I wouldn't think about him at all. I was hoping to just mindlessly pass off the suitcase without thinking about it or him.

But when I looked up to the window, the blinds were drawn shut completely, and there was no Ethan in sight.

I sighed, trying to ignore the ache in my heart, as I made my way up the slight incline of their driveway.

Then came the part I was fretting the most. Do I knock? Do I face Ethan's mom who would probably kill me? Do I get kicked in the balls as promised by Zoe? What if Ethan opened the door?

I tried my luck on the door, and it opened with a slight click. It was unlocked. I let out a breath that I didn't realize I was holding in. I pushed the door open, thankful the hinges didn't squeal, and made my way inside.

For a brief moment, a memory flickered in my mind as I stepped over the threshold. When I first came to this house, to pick Ethan up for our first date. A small smile appeared on my face, remembering how nervous I was, but glad that Ethan was just as nervous, and when Zoe promised to kick me in the balls.

I had to stifle a quiet giggle from coming out of my mouth.

I noticed the dining table and chairs in the right corner first; a new addition to the furniture of this household. Everything was clean and quiet, both Zoe and her mom's doors were shut, but I looked longingly up the stairs that ultimately led to Ethan's room.

The memory hit then – when I asked Ethan to officially be my boyfriend. And the way he responded, with a firm kiss, without hesitation. I remember how happy I felt, and it hurt to think I was the one that ruined something so pure.

I left Ethan's suitcase up against the back of the lounge and left the house, clicking the lock on the door and closing it shut quietly behind me.

On the drive home, I didn't think twice about putting some Halsey on.

- - - - -

•Ethan's POV•

Watching the sun rise became an addiction.

I don't remember when I fell asleep or when I woke up, but when I realized the sun was close to rising, I climbed out of bed, opened the window, and sat on the dresser in nothing more than my underwear.

I had Halsey on shuffle, the volume so low, and I was halfway through Badlands when the sun finally began to rise over the horizon, evaporating that dull-blue twilight slowly, highlighting the stretch of suburbia.

There were so many places in this town that I've yet to see, places that I once imagined Jake and I would explore. That hope was dead now though. If I wanted to explore I would have to do it myself. Or with America, maybe.

I made a mental note to drag America someone in this town with me, make her my official tour guide.

I saw the first car of the morning, on the curved road that I lived on, when the sun finally reached inside my room, caressing my half-naked body. But the sun hadn't reached my eyes, and I could see the car clearly.

It was Jake's car.

The heart lurched, and so did my stomach. Then my heart throbbed when he pulled up and stopped out front of my house. I didn't bother hiding the tears then as they sprung to my eyes. The first one fell when he got out of his car, the sun just reaching his blonde hair over his car roof. I didn't bother wiping it away.

I stayed for a moment longer, watching him reach for my suitcase in the backseat. I climbed off the dresser, shutting the window and quickly drawing the blinds closed. I couldn't stand it if our eyes connected, or if he saw me at all.

Then I began to panic. He intended to bring that suitcase inside. Jake wouldn't leave someone's possessions outside.

The options flickered through my head. Jake wouldn't leave it outside, so he'd ring the doorbell. That meant Zoe would greet him, since she usually wakes up this early anyway to watch cartoons. And if she didn't, mom would, but I doubt it because she is probably getting all the sleep she can before she goes on her next flight.

And if neither of them answered the door, I would have to. The thought itself, of having to confront and talk to Jake, had me choked up and sweaty.

I raced down the stairs as quietly as possible, unlocking the front door, praying Jake would just try his luck anyway. I hesitated though, a hand pressed against the door. I so desperately wanted to see him, to hear his voice again, to have him hold me and comfort me. But I knew that would never happen, it couldn't. Not the same way it had been before, at least.

I raced back up the stairs, taking two at a time, shutting my bedroom door behind me. I left my hand on the door handle, resting my forehead against the cool surface of the door.

I tried to ignore the throbbing of my heart, each time it lurched with every soft step of Jake's footsteps down the stairs. The tears were still in my eyes, and one would slip and roll down my face every few seconds.

I heard the front door close then. I let go of the door, making my way back to my dresser. I climbed back on top of it, hesitating a moment before opening the blinds again. Jake was climbing into his car, not hesitating, not looking back.

I opened the window and watched him drive down the road, towards his home. I lost sight of his car after two blocks.

I watched the rest of the sunrise then, a steady stream of tears rolling down my face, with Halsey playing.