it's always odd watching things unfold and not being able to change anything.
sadly this isn't chess, and i can't just pick us up and move us accordingly.
i feel like i'm floating above my body watching everything happen.
it's been that way for a while, i can't even remember the last time i truly felt like myself.
as of late i've been thinking about you more—but not in the way you're hoping.
i've been trying to give myself that sense of closure that you never gave me.
i'm so desperate for it that i dreamt it up last night, isn't that sad?
i woke up with a newly found sense of peace, or i thought i did.
if i'm so at peace, why do tears keep welling up in my eyes?
if i'm so at peace, why does my chest feel like it has dumbbells on it?
if i'm so at peace, why does the room look like it's spinning?
why does this keep happening to me?
you've been gone for over a year now, it's been well over three hundred and sixty-five days, so why can't you just leave me alone?
you still plague every corner of my mind, you're in the most accessed parts, and you're hidden back in the shadows.
whenever something happens, you're still, unfortunately, the first person i want to tell.
when i see something funny, i still want to send it to you first.
it's not fair how i'm left aching for you when you probably don't feel the same.
it's so gut-wrenching to think about that,
—you not missing me.
i gave you all of me and i thought i had all of you.
i never saw it coming.
these changes happen so gradually that one day i woke up and you simply weren't here.
you phased me out of your life day by day and i was too blind to see it.
you always told me, "i always expect to see you by my side",
those words haunt me at night you know?
it's been over a year of not being by your side but i still feel your presence with everything i do.
i can't even remember who i was before you.
that's the scariest part in my opinion.
do you miss me?
do you dream of me too?
do you even spare me a thought?
i wish i could go back in time and change everything.
YOU ARE READING
Behind My Eyes.
Poetrycome pick my mind and stay awhile, make yourself comfortable. it's awfully lonely in here. - inside this book, you'll find five distinct parts: simply me, which tells you almost everything you need to know about me. you, which tells you...
