Behind My Eyes.

a ramble from 2016.

longing is an odd feeling. it's even odder when you don't know what it is you're longing for.

i long for so many things but most of the time it's for another feeling such as happiness or the feeling of being complete.

i long to be somewhere new but somewhere old at the same time.

new to me but old to the world around it.

it's these places that i often find myself.

to be in a place that is torn apart from the elements and abuse from rowdy teenagers who often spend nights destroying whatever they touch.

you never notice the wonders around you until you can see what it becomes when you're gone.

hold on to what you have because tomorrow is never promised.

betrayal is an odd feeling as well.

it's odd to be betrayed over and over again especially when it's by the same person.

most people would have given up and i guess that's the biggest difference between you and i.

you'd never take anyone's crap whereas i'm constantly being stepped on.

you're desensitized and you don't care about hurting someone whereas the first thought on my mind is how something will affect someone's feelings.

i care too much and you care too little.

we've been friends for a while now and i don't think you know me at all.

i knew so much about you i could tell you a lot more about yourself than you could ever tell me.

i could make a list of things i liked about you.

i could've been the greatest friend you'd ever have but you had to throw all of that away.

for a stupid joke.

you had so many chances and you just threw them all away.

you blew them away like leaves on a summer breeze.

i would've gone to the ends of the earth for you.

you'd always expected there to be another chance as if this was some sort of wishing well.

i've seen what you do and i've seen the destruction that you've caused.

i've seen the rubble and the disaster that you leave behind.

i've lived in it.

i'm living in it.

you ruined the girl i thought i was.

i don't know who i am and you don't care.

you never cared.

you call me names and you move on with your happy little life.

i've come to terms with everything you've said and done.

i'm not okay with it and i don't know if i ever will be.

you've done wrong by me too many times and i'm through playing your pathetic little games.

i regret ever knowing you.

i regret letting you into my life.

i regret meeting you.

i want my life back.

fuck you.