Behind My Eyes.

a ramble about high school.

i need to get back to where i was in high school,

not mentally but physically.

i spent most of my high school years in abandoned buildings and feeling the cold air seep into my bones in the drafty halls.

i miss my nose turning red and my lips turning blue.

there's nothing quite like the way abandoned areas make me feel.

nothing will ever amount to that and i fear the day i run out of places to explore.

there's something exciting about seeing places that have been forgotten and all that remains is but a shell of what once was.

i think that reminds me of myself,

for the longest time all i was was a shell of who i used to be.

whenever i went to bethel, for some reason,  in the gymnasium there were always birds trapped in there.

it used to make me so unbelievably sad.

watching them flutter around the room trying to find a broken window or an open door to go back outside makes my heart ache.

it reminded me of myself.

i used to be desperate to get out of where i was.

i felt trapped.

exploring these buildings were the only thing that made me feel free.

i used to spend hours there because it was the only place that the thoughts in my head seemed to calm down long enough for me to breathe.

i miss how it was in high school...there were no expectations and every day was something new.

i spent sp many days after school getting into trouble or simply having fun with my friends.

sometimes i really miss high school.

i miss my friends and i miss my teachers.

i wish i tried harder in school.

i wish i paid more attention and got better grades.

i could be so much more than this.