Behind My Eyes.

love myself.

for the first time in a very long time,

i feel great.

i don't know why this sudden change has happened and i don't want to question it and have it taken from me.

i weighed myself today which i almost never do because i hate the number that i see,

and can you imagine my surprise when i looked down and saw that i lost twenty pounds?

i don't know how or where it went because my body looks the same but my face looks slimmer and i know logically my face didn't lose that much.

since i've started being more open with my writing i've been feeling different too. 

a great difference though.

i let go of weight on my shoulders that i wasn't even aware that i had on them.

almost every single one of my problems seems so small and minuscule now.

i can't picture myself being upset about things i used to lose sleep over on a regular basis.

i think most of it was all the weight i started carrying for him and the things we did but now that it's out there for everyone to know about i don't have this big secret i'm holding.

and i posted about the biggest tragedy in my life and that went well too so i don't have any more secrets.

you never realize how much of an effect those hold over you.

for the first time in such a long time...i don't hate who i've become.

after high school and after you left me and i didn't know who i was,

i spent so much time just trying to figure out who i was that i didn't realize i was so far from who i actually was.

how did i do that?

how did i let you mold me into someone i'm not?

i feel more like myself than i ever have,

and quite frankly i fucking love who she is.

and i did it all by myself.

without your opinion,

without your approval.

without anyone else helping me.

i did it all on my own and i'm so proud of myself.