The Winner

Be Somebody To Someone

*Nate*

Normally, on a day like this, you'd find me at Sully's. Doing whatever I could to feel numb. I don't want that to become a habit.

After completely losing my shit in my car from seeing Cara, I decide to go down to the gym in my building. Maybe if I work out, I will get my mind off everything. I throw on my grey Nike joggers and a white t-shirt. Tie my sneakers and grab my headphones and a water. Maybe doing this will distract me.

The modern facility on the first floor rarely gets used. Today is no different. No one is here. The gym takes up the entire first floor. It has every machine possible. With a row of treadmills, another with stationary bikes, and finally a row with the ellipticals. The weight training area is in the back and off to the right is a padded area for stretching. The room is always a little dark. I don't mind it, though. I start with a run on the treadmill like usual.

The first song on my workout play list is "Kiwi." It's not drowning out my thoughts yet, like I need it to. I grab my phone while running and turn it up. It's still not working. Again, I turn the volume up. Again. And again. It's now at max volume .The music is painfully pounding in my ears. All I can hear is the song. I push myself harder, running faster.

Next song- "Seven Nation Army." The pounding vibrates in my ears while I thump on the treadmill.

After that, Sheeran's "You Need Me I Don't Need You"- I jack the incline up to make it hurt even more. Song after song, I push myself so the pain takes over my body, and the music takes over my ears. Anything to stop from thinking. Anything to shut off my brain.

"Someone To You" comes on. A song by my mate, Mike, from Liverpool. I remember him in the studio having me listen to it before its release. I loved it right from the start.

I keep running hard, but let the lyrics consume me. Sometimes, it could be the simplest of lyrics that hit you the hardest. Both Julia and Cara both start slowly creeping back into my thoughts. Two completely different relationships.

I just want to fix them both. I want to be that person they can count on.

Cara's words scream through my veins.

"You're my brother. You promised you'd take care of me. You said you'd be there for me."

"I fucking hate you." From both Cara and Julia.

Their voices are so loud in my ears.
Deafening. The bad memories flood into my head. Both of them crying, and I can't help either of them.

I hit the 40 minute mark and abruptly shut down the treadmill. My legs are screaming, my stomach is in a tight knot, and I'm drenched in sweat.

I gulp half my water and head to the weights. The music is still at the highest level. I lay down on the bench press not caring that I don't have a spotter, and start my reps. I add another plate. Another. 255. 275. 290. I want the pain to hurt more. 305. I add a rep. And another. My arms and chest burning. I add another rep.

My muscles shake but I keep pushing, trying to get everyone out of my head. It's not working. I drop the bar back down and move on to the dumbbells. I grab two 20llb dumbbells and start my bicep curls. 30 lbs. 50lb weights, adding reps, barely getting through the pain. It's still not working.

I get on the ground and do pushups. Over and over with the music blasting , 30, 40, 50. My biceps burning and I feel like I'm going to throw up. I flip over and do crunches. 30, 50, 100. I've been pushing myself for well over an hour now. Testing my body, trying to forget everything-

Nothing is working.

"Fuck!!"

I throw my headphones across the room. I lay on the mat and look up at the ceiling, out of breath, now with no music to drown out the noises in my head. I get up, retrieve my headphones, grab my stuff , and head back up to my flat. I take my shower, get dressed and drive to Sullivan's Pub.