The Winner

Hollywood's Bleeding

I twist open the prescription bottle and look in at the tiny white pills. I don't know why I'm making such a big deal out of this in my head. I was going through a lot when I started taking too many Ativan. My son died. Things got out of hand, I'm not an idiot. I was fully aware things got out of hand, but at the time, I didn't care. I was in survival mode, barely making it through each day.

This is a completely different situation, and I haven't taken any for a while now. It's not going to affect me like that right away.

I tap the open bottle into my hand, and a few pills fall out into my palm. I think about what I'm doing for a second. I still don't think one is going to do anything. One may not even put me to sleep. One certainly isn't going to make me dependent. I'd have to be taking them multiple times a day for weeks to get where I was back then.

"You good in there? You're taking forever." James quietly knocks on the door.

I snap back into reality and put a full 2mg Ativan pill under my tongue.

"Yeah." I respond quickly.

There's no way I'm having a nightmare in front of James. I've already fucked so much up today. Now having James sit on the couch in my hotel room, being my "Bodyguard" while Nate is with his sister is just making everything awkward. Sitting here in the bathroom contemplating about this is stupid. I haven't taken any in a long time so I know it just help me sleep. Just for tonight.

I quickly decide to take one more before I put the prescription back in my purse. That will definitely do the trick. I throw on a pair of shorts and long t-shirt and look at myself in the mirror. This whole night is weird. While waiting in the lobby for one of James's coworkers to take over his shift, I barely talked. I became overly fidgety and he just looked over and laughed at me. He reminded me it was just a one time thing and he'll always be my friend. He was acting completely normal like nothing happened. Meanwhile I'm sore as hell as a reminder of what I've done. 

I open the door, walk past Efron, and start pacing around the room, playing with the rings on my fingers. He turns around and watches me with a smirk on his face.

"Julia.. you're still fidgeting." James laughs. "You're overthinking things..."

"Obviously I know that." I snap. "Sorry.." I stop and sit in my bed. "I didn't mean to snap at you."

"Nothing's changed." James assures me. He sits back on the couch and rests his right ankle on his left knee, casually leaning back with an arm over the top of the sofa.

"How are you so relaxed? Everything's changed." I pull my hair off to the side and start braiding it before bed.

"So we had sex, one time. It felt good. Reeaally good. And now it's done. We agreed it was just a one time thing. Now you just know what your missing out on." He winks with sarcasm written all over his face. He knows how good he is. That's a given. He's aware of his talent. I throw a pillow at his face and get under the covers.

"I hate you, you know that?" I tease, already starting to feel the effects of the anxiety pill. That fuzzy feeling you get after one or two glasses of wine.

"I don't think you do..." James flirts .
"You KNOW I don't hate you...."

"Just go to sleep or something, Gallo" I roll over as he laughs. I'm already feeling calmer. I forgot how good this felt. My eyes start getting heavy and my breathing slows down. Finally I will get some real sleep. It's been forever.

*****

"How long has she been out like this?"

 It's almost 11am. Julia NEVER sleeps like this. Is she coming down with something? I reach over and feel her forehead. She doesn't feel warm. She's not burning up.