if you're writing a chapter in canon character's point of view (like thomas or something), it would be wise to actually make it sound like what that character would actually think.
i've read some fanfictions where it'll be newt's POV and the chapter literally goes like this:
Newt's POV:
I was walking around the bloody Glade to get to the buggin' Gardens. Okay, scratch that, I was limping around the bloody Glade to get to the buggin' Gardens. Because, ya know, I have a limp and everything.
One time I jumped off the Maze wall. That's why I have the bloody limp in the first place. But it's no biggie.
I look over to see the Runners coming back. Minho was first, then the new Greenie, Alexandria Sapphire Cleopatra II. She was quickly elected as a Runner despite the fact it's her first day in the Glade. Boy, she's beautiful. She had long, blonde hair that somehow wasn't messed up from running all shucking day, crystal blue eyes, and not a speck of sweat on her face. She flicks her dark brown hair over her shoulder and blushed as she walks past me.
I think I'm in love with her.
Alexandria Sapphire Cleopatra II started yelling at Gally for no bloody reason. Then everyone applauded her because everyone hated Gally, the shuckface. Gally is one of my friends but I hate him anyways. I hate everyone, actually. Everyone except Alexandria Sapphire Cleopatra II. She has given me a reason to live. I kinda regret jumping off of that wall.
She then went over to help the Med-jacks because, yanno, she's amazing at everything. She makes me weak at the knees.
К сожалению, это изображение не соответствует нашим правилам. Чтобы продолжить публикацию, пожалуйста, удалите изображение или загрузите другое.
I GAVE MYSELF A HEADACHE WRITING THAT.
BETWEEN THE LANGUAGE AND HER NAME AND ALL OF THE BLOODY'S AND BUGGIN'S AND NEWT BEING A HOPLESS ROMANTIC AND THE CHANGES IN TENSES
AHHHHHHH
anyway my point is: if you're going to write in another character's POV, make it sound like they'd actually be thinking the things you make them think.
also i don't know if it's just me, but does anyone feel uncomfortable with chapters like that using first person point of view for canon characters? idk i just feel more comfortable using third person when i'm doing that. to me it sounds better?? and makes me want to cringe less too.
if i was had to re-create that as i would actually write it, it would be like this:
(beware this might suck because it's hard to correct something as cringey as the original)
Newt walked toward the Gardens, his left foot lagging slightly behind his right as he did so. The sun was shining but he couldn't find it in him to enjoy the warmth bathing the Glade. He felt cold, like a draft was constantly blowing on him and he could never find a blanket to get warm again.
Minho returned from the Maze with his new Runner-in-training, Mae. She had been in the Glade for about three weeks now and had gone through the entire process of becoming a Runner. As she slowed to a jog, she flicked her black hair out of her eyes and started to wipe the sweat off of her face with the collar of her shirt. Breaths of air were puffing quickly out of her slightly red cheeks. She passed Newt but ducked her head from him. Mae was pretty shy and hadn't worked up the courage to strike a conversation with anyone just yet.
Newt completely understood that. She was in a strange environment filled with strangers and ran through a death Maze every day- it probably freaked her out even more when she landed the job. He could tell she didn't particularly seem to like running all that much; she had previously been pretty confident she'd become a Slicer.
He kept walking toward the Gardens. Mae would crack open her shell soon. She had a really nice smile - one that lit up her face and carved dimples into her cheeks - and he had been fortunate enough to witness it once or twice.
