All The Small Things

96

[Luca POV]
I distinctly remember watching the clock until it said 2:48 am. He's been gone for 4 hours and a few minutes. Where is he? After 2 hours, I had already started freaking out, minorly. But, now that it's hit 4 I'm about to lose my fucking mind. What could he even be doing? Maybe he's hanging out with someone. That tipped me over the edge officially. I can't handle that, I need him back here. I'm ready for bed. I got ready, so Dady wouldn't have to worry 'bout getting me in PJ'S and showered. I even remembered to brush my teeth and my hair so it wouldn't be tangled in the morning. I watched shows on my phone while laying on the couch. I dug out one of Jacob's hoodies from beside the dresser and put it on so I could smell him. I know it's weird, but it makes me feel like he's here when he isn't.

Right about now, I'm craving a cigarette. It's coming from deep inside me, the want for nicotine so bad, and for something to smoke. I found my teether for something for my mouth since I don't think I have mine anymore anyway. I was watching a movie on YouTube I had seen many times before. It was about a dead bride to be marrying a living guy because of a misunderstanding. And it's all claymation. But I absolutely adore this movie. The dead girl is just so pretty and sweet, and I understand why she's upset the guy doesn't wanna marry her. From her perspective, it must hurt. I wasn't even close to halfway through the movie when the door unlocked, and I quickly looked up, pausing the movie on my phone. I hope it's Dady with every part of me, but I know I can't run up and cling to him right now. No matter how bad I wanna. Even if I was big, I think I'd want to hang on him. I can't, though, and I have to remember that. The door pushed open, letting Dady walk in. I smiled, hopeful that he would ask for lovies.

He rubbed his nose a bunch after he got home, and his pupils were really big compared to normal. I couldn't see much of the iris in his eye. And he was very suddenly energetic.
"Dady, I even got myself ready for bed! You notice...?" I asked, teething on my little cactus shaped water teether.
"Hmm?" He asked, turning to look at me like he previously wasn't paying attention.
"I-I m-self ready for bed so Dady didn't have to," I slurred, hoping me scooped me up. I wanna be cradled and kissed and loved and praised, but I don't know if he'd do that. Even if I asked really nicely, and then I would've put myself out there for nothing.

"Wow, look at you go," He half heartedly mumbled. I know he doesn't mean it the same way he normally does. I sounded automatic and fake, which didn't get me happy like most praise does.
"Dady, you don't mean that!" I whined, pouting and really resisting the urge to stomp.
"Don't you be a brat now," He scolded me, grabbing my face so I couldn't pull away. He stared at me for a second before letting so and scooting back on the couch. It didn't make the want to stomp quit, but I didn't show it anymore.

"Dady, can I pretty please have a kiss...?" I whispered, sitting next to him. He smiled and kissed my forehead, then nose, which was just enough attention to fix my attitude. I giggled and stimmed, hugging Dady's side and holding onto him.
"Why don't you do to sleep?" He suggested. I frowned and thought about it. I wanna stay with Dady, even if that means sleeping on the couch while he stays up.
"Stay with Dady," I whispered, resting my head on him. I didn't wait for an answer to rest my head on his shoulder, quickly dozing off to sleep.

When I woke up, it was still in the living room, and with Jacob nowhere near me. I went searching for him and had found him passed out cold in the bedroom. I imagine he didn't sleep until like 4 a.m., but it sorta hurt my feelings he left me to sleep on the couch. My whole thing was that I wanted to stay with Dady, but I guess he just didn't remember. Yeah... He just forgot; I know he wouldn't do that on purpose just to makene feel bad. Maybe it was cause I was bad last night. How can I make up for that?

After a couple minutes of thinking, I remembered I could make him breakfast for when he woke up. I anxiously killed time until 11 am. When I deemed I should go ahead and wake him up for breakfast. We had these packages of muffin mix that just needed ½ cup of milk, and then you cooked it for 15 minutes. I quickly measured out the half cup of milk and poured it into the dry mix bowl, only having to stir for a minute or two. I had been letting the oven preheat for a good while to make sure it wasn't too cold. I sprayed down the muffin tin in vegetable oil and measured them all out as evenly as possible. I slid them in the oven and shut the door, setting a timer for 15 minutes. I guess I have more time to kill.

I spent the while 15 minutes on my phone, watching the clock the whole time. As soon as the timer hit zero, I was up and getting them out of the oven. In the process, I his my arm against the hot oven racks. It hurt for a second and made me set it back down, but it stopped hurting pretty fast. I decided to let them sit on the stove top for a few minutes to settle as I dug out a nice(ish) cup for him. I filled it with orange juice, smiling because I was sharing the juice he got for me, and it made me feel really happy! I put the juice back and got down a little plate for the baked goods, placing the best two on the plate. It took a little debate to pick which were the top two, but I did it. I brought them and the cup of juice to the bedroom. I set them both down on the dresser top since it was clear and started gently shaking Dady awake. He groaned and rolled over to me, looking at me in a questioning way.
"I-I made you breakfast, Dady!" I told him, smiling big. He huffed and turned back over, covering his head.

It felt like a slap in the face, to be honest, but I tried to brush it off. Maybe he's just tired...
"Do you want it...?" I quietly asked, not getting a response. I sniffled and rubbed my face, willing myself not to cry.
"Kay," I mumbled, grabbing Jupiter from the bed and walking myself back to the living room. I don't like that Dady did that, I hate being ignored. And I really hate when nobody looks at what I did for them!
"Why's he in a bad mood?" I asked Jupiter, sitting on the couch while I messed with my toes.
"He must not like you no more," He concluded.
"No! He loves me... He still loves me," I argued, cuddling up with him. Does Dady work today? I'm sure he'd know to get up for work on his own if he did.

Come to find out, he didn't remember last night that he had work today. Meaning, to the other people, it was a no call-no show. And he chewed me out for it.
"Why wouldn't you remind me!? You know I had to leave today!" He shouted, staring at me like I'm stupid.
"I-I didn't know you had work!" I exclaimed, feeling adrenaline pump through my body. I hate conflict, I feel sick. I don't like being blamed either. At first, I didn't think I was at fault. But now, after he's yelled at me for a few minutes, I'm considering that it was. I really just want him to stop, I don't even need him to apologize.

"I'm sorry! Dady, I'm really sorry!" I tried to apologize. He didn't listen. He looked just as mad as he had been the entire time.
"I'm gonna lose my job! Do you want that?" He shouted, grabbing my wrist and holding it tight.
"Let go..." I whined, trying to pull away and breathe normally so I didn't cry.
"Do you?" He repeated, holding my arm harder. I shook my head and pulled a little harder. It's no use. He's so much stronger than me.
"Whatever, I'm calling in and hoping they let it slide," He grumbled, letting go and going to find his phone. He hates me, I know it. He hates me. I sat down and put Jupiter in my lap before resting my head on him. I tried to be quiet about crying, but I felt my life falling apart. Dady doesn't want me anymore, and he's all I had left. I hate to admit it, but I was seriously thinking about leaving and killing myself. I wouldn't want him to see it, so I wouldn't do it here.

But, I also don't want to put him through that, so I decided against it. That didn't mean I was against cutting, though. It wouldn't take much to make me feel better, and I wouldn't have to do them deep. Even if I'd like to, I didn't need to. I shook my head in an attempt to get the idea out of my head. I can't do that to him. I'd hate if he hurt himself over me, so it must be the same for him. Right?

For the next half an hour, I laid on my side while holding Jupiter. I was just thinking.
"Go get dressed. My co-worker wants to go out with us." Dady told me, walking up to me. I didn't notice he got so close to me while I was thinking. I nodded a little and stood up, getting a head rush of sorts. I tried to walk it off and accidently smacked my face against the doorway to our bedroom.
"Ow!" I whined, rubbing my face. I shrugged it off and dug in my drawers, finding jeans and boxers. My shirt was clean, and it's just Dady's hoodie from last night. I quickly changed, trying to ignore the feeling of the jeans. They were tight on my thighs and crotch, reminding me of both my sensory processing disorder and of my weight gain. I made myself ignore it as I slid on socks.

"Come on," Jacob told me, walking into the bedroom. He at least sounds like he's in a better mood now. I rubbed my nose and went to go get my shoes by the front door, him right behind me. I slid them on, not bothering to tie them. I'll do it in the car.
"Aww, you look cute in those. Have you worn those before?" He asked as I went down the stairs.
"Not since Christmas," I mumbled, making my way out to the truck. I hope Jacob's good mood lasts. I prefer him happy rather than upset with me.