All The Small Things

123

[Luca POV]

We got there, and Jacob said hi to Chris. But before I got a chance, I saw Kayden across the dining room with someone. He's probably one of Chris' friends. I looked up at Jacob, and he noticed, too. I told myself not to cry and held onto his hand much tighter.
"You invited Kayden?" He asked Chris. At this point, Chris looked confused as hell.
"What...? Yeah, I invited him. Why?" He asked. I guess he doesn't know what happened, so I can't be upset at him.
"Never mind. The beers in the bed of my truck if you wanna go get it," Jacob sighed before moving so Chris could step out and go get it.

"Do you wanna just go home, Baby?" He asked, taking me out of my thoughts.
"No, you wanna see your friends," I said, shaking my head.
"Luca, they can see me another time. We can go if you need to," He said again. I'm probably reading into it way too much, but I can't help it. Jacob said we could go if I wanted to, meaning he wouldn't want to leave if I weren't here. So he wants to stay.
"I'll be okay," I reassured him, trying to sound sure of myself.
"Okay," He quietly agreed, kissing my forehead.

We were sitting around Chris' coffee table with everyone when I had zoned out. Markus, Veronica, Chris, his girlfriend, Kayden, Spade, Chris' friends, and Jacob were all trying to figure out what they wanted to watch. I wasn't a part of the discussion because I was staring straight ahead, trying to figure out what I was feeling.
"What do you wanna watch?" Someone asked after Jacob nudged me.
"Huh?" I asked, suddenly back to reality.
"Never mind, we'll just watch the saw movies," Chris decided. I didn't mind too much, if I'm being honest. Some people moved to the couch, but Jacob didn't, so neither did I. But Kayden was sitting next to me. I was pressed up against Jacob's left side, and he was only like 2 feet away from me. The movies were gory, so I tried not to watch them.

During the first 20 minutes of the second movie, Kayden had moved closer, and I hadn't noticed. Everyone else was talking through the movie, and that's what I had been paying attention to. Until he grabbed my thigh. I wasn't able to move closer to Jacob on the floor, so I made the decision to sit in his lap with my head in his chest. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and I closed my eyes, breathing in his scent. I tried not to smell Kayden. Oliver was sitting next to Jacob, where I had been sitting, but I couldn't convince myself to pick him up. I know rationally Kayden probably wouldn't do anything if I grabbed Oliver, but I couldn't make myself chance it. I kept trying to tell Oliver I was sorry in my head.

I couldn't last that long with Kayden right next to me, and I had to get up to leave for a bit. I went to the bathroom, shutting but not locking the door. I rested against the sink and just stared at my reflection in the mirror. I could hear the movie from the bathroom with the door shut. That's how loud it is. I was trying to remember if anything changed about my face that I could notice when the door opened. I assumed it was Jacob, so I casually looked over. It wasn't. It was, you guessed it, my ex-boyfriend.
"No," was all I could say before he held his hand over my mouth. It was an instant before tears were rushing down my face. I tried shaking my head as he told me I was a horrible person and a liar.
"You ruined my life! That's what you wanted, huh? To fuck me over!" He exclaimed. I don't think anyone could hear him since the bathroom was at the end of the hallway and considering the volume of the TV.

[Guys TW for S/A and domestic violence]

I want Dady. I begged in my head for him to notice what I was gone when Kayden pulled down my shorts and boxers. My shirt would've covered my penis if he wasn't pulling it up. Instinctually, I kicked him. It was in the stomach, so he pulled away for a minute, taking his hand off my mouth.
"Stop it! Quit!" I shouted, hoping to myself anyone would hear me.
He quit trying to sexually assault me and moved to just assaulting me. He didn't hit my face, mostly my ribs and sides and stomach. That sort of area. I know I shouldn't have been, but I was thankful.

I loudly cried and still tried to push him off, but he was bigger than me. I guess there was a break of sound in the movie because before the movie could play again, Jacob opened the door and instantly pulled Kayden off me. He punched him once in the face before Chris and his friends grabbed Kayden, forcing him somewhere else.
"Home! Go home!" I cried, hugging Dady close and sobbing into his chest. It hurts... My ribs hurt really badly.
"Come here, Lukey," I heard Spade say, picking me up and taking me from my Dady.
"No! Hold," I cried, reaching for Dady. I love Spade, but I need Dady to hold me right now.
"Let me go warm up the truck, Baby," He told me before stepping out of the bathroom.
"Dady..." I softly whined into Spade's shoulder, hiccuping.
"Shhh, he'll be right back. Dady's gonna be back. Don't worry," He tried to console me. I couldn't stop shaking. Spade noticed my bottoms on the floor and picked them up, holding me tighter.
"Did he touch your penis?" Spade barely asked. I shook my head a tiny bit. I think I made him mad when I kicked him, and he just wanted to hit me.

I let Spade craddle and rock me until Dady came back.
"Hold you!" I exclaimed, reaching over. He quickly took me in his arms, attempting to soothe me.
"I'll stay at your house for a couple of hours in case anything happens," Spade decided. So he followed behind us in his car. I didn't quit crying until we got home. I really like night drives, but not right now. We pulled into the driveway, and I barely let Dady open his door before begging that he held me.
He stepped out and let me come over to his side before scooping me up. Spade pulled up right next to us. He locked his car after he got out and followed Dady to the apartment.
"Cuddle Spade, Bubba. Can I get your jammies?" He asked after the front door was shut.
"No..." I whispered as he set me down anyways. He left, so I crawled into Spade's lap on the couch, gently biting his fingers and holding my stuffie close to me.

"Let's get you into Jammies, Bubba," Spade said when Dady came back. But I really didn't wanna get nakey. Even if I'm just getting pj's on. I whined a little and clung onto Spade tighter in hopes he'd tell Dady I didn't want my pajamas.
"Baby, if you're gonna sleep in the living room, then you gotta have pants on," Dady sighed. I pouted but stood up, checking to make sure Spade covered his eyes before stepping into them.
"You're bruised for sure," Dady commented after he lifted my shirt up to change it, too. I looked and saw dark blue and purple bruises mostly across my right ribs, but they were also down that same side and my left ribs. Dady leaned down and very lightly kissed them before putting my sleep shirt on.

I was really tired, but even after 30 minutes of laying down with the lights off and Dady and Spade being silent, I couldn't sleep. My mind was racing too fast. Dady fell asleep before me cause he had work tomorrow, so I kissed his face and tried to make myself do the same. Even Spade eventually kissed my froehread and told me good night before I finally was able to get any sort of rest.
It was one of those nightmares that aren't bad enough that you wake up, but they're still super scary. So when I did wake up, Spade was shaking me gently. But, I didn't wake up gently. When I shot up, my breathing was erratic, and I couldn't get my surroundings. When Spade tried to hold me, I just freaked out more.
"No touch!" I cried. I'm so many different things. I can't stop thinking, I'm scared, I wish Dady was here, I can feel my clothes rubbing me weird, all I can even think about it Kayden, it hurts to breathe, and it's way too loud right now. I can hear everything. The people above us, the people across the hall arguing, Spade trying to get my attention, my ears ringing, and I can't focus on anything. I shut my eyes and held my hands over my ears to attempt and block out the majority of my senses.
I haven't felt this sense of being completely overwhelmed and powerless in months. God, I didn't miss it at all.