All The Small Things

133

[Luca POV]

I don't remember falling asleep, but I did, apparently. I had a bad dream. Not like a nightmare, but just remembering something.

I was 15, and my mom finally came back from being gone. She was probably getting high with her friends, to be honest. But, she'd recently gotten approved for foodstamps and already got her EBT card. But she still refused to go get groceries. And I was fucking starving. We were on summer break, so there wasn't an opportunity to eat at school. And there wouldn't be until August.
"Momma, please just let me use it! I can go get groceries, you won't even have to go with me. I just need the card and pin. I've even got a ride to take me and drive me back here," I desperately begged, sitting on our stairs to my room. She was on the couch watching her channel, and I deemed the stairs the safest distance from her while still able to see how she was reacting.
"Luca, absolutely not. I am not letting you go to the store by yourself where everyone will judge me for it. Who lets their 15 year old son, who can't defend himself for anything, go to the store with nothing but strangers and let them get groceries?" She asked, not expecting an answer. I still struggled not giving her a real answer when she asked questions like this, but I knew she didn't want me to respond.

"Plus, you wouldn't even know what to get. There's almost two hundred dollars on this card, and there's no way in hell I'd let you blow the money on shit that neither of us need," She commented, lighting a cigarette and about to start ignoring me again. I had never yelled at her or argued back before, but I couldn't stop myself when I got mad this time.
"Anything I got would be better than nothing! Momma, I'm hungry and there's fucking nothing in this house to make!" I yelled. She turned to look back at me again, and I knew I was fucked. I instantly stood up.
"You do not yell at me in my own house! And you certainly do not cuss at me, or tell me what the fuck is better! I know what's good for you!" She screamed, standing up. I was still shocked at the fact that I backtalked her, so by the time she got up, I didn't exactly have the needed time to make it to my room.

She grabbed me by the wrist, making me wince. I had cut there recently while she was gone, and fuck that hurt. I started crying, hard, as she started to scream at me.
"You have no place to live in my house and yell at me like that!" She shouted. I tried pulling my arm away from her, but she was pissed and had no intentions of letting that happen.
"Don't you ever in your lifetime try and tell me what I should do," She said, finally not screaming at me anymore. I was still crying relatively hard.
"Crying like a little bitch and you think you can yell at me," She commented, gripping my arm to the point I figured it would at least bruise. She looked at me while I tried to say silent before she abruptly let go and sat back down on the couch. I hesitated for a second before going back upstairs to lay on the floor. My stomach still ached no matter how hard I tried to ignore it.

When I woke up, I wasn't crying like I normally am after nightmares. I was just in a shitty mood. Jacob wasn't next to me when I woke up, so I just got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I started at myself in the bathroom mirror for a while after I was done. Spade had a body length mirror on the back of the door, so I stood there and started, picking apart every part of me. I could find at least one thing wrong with every part of my body, other than my ears. I eventually tore my gaze away from the mirror and re-did the braids Jacob put in last night. They had mostly fallen out since I moved a lot in my sleep. I finally opened the door, trying to locate where Jacob and Spade were. I assumed they were together.

I was right. They were outside doing something, so I walked out to the backyard in my pajama pants and Jacob's hoodie. I rubbed my eyes and saw them just throwing a football while talking. I never knew people actually did that, but I didn't think too hard about it. It was probably just something to do while talking so that it's less awkward. Jacob was facing the front yard, so he noticed me first, whereas Spade had his back to me.
"Baby!" Jacob called, smiling at me. I gave him a small smile, but since I wasn't in a great mood, it wasn't much more than that.
"You're gonna step on something without shoes," Spade warned me after he noticed me.
"It's fine," I mumbled, shrugging and sitting in a swing close to where Jacob was standing.

"Do you know how to throw?" Spade asked me, making me shake my head.
"Come here, let me show you," He said. So, I stood up and walked across the backyard to him.
"You hold it with your fingers on the laces," He told me, demonstrating with his four fingers overtop the white cord and his thumb on the bottom of the ball.
He handed me it and helped place my fingers where they were supposed to go.
"Then you just throw it straight at where you want it to go," He told me. I had to mentally brace for embarrassing myself before throwing it to my boyfriend. It didn't really have a spiral like people talk about. It just went in a straight line. My aim wasn't that bad, but it definitely wasn't a throw that would get me drafted for the NFL.
"That was good!" Jacob reassured me as he caught it, making me smile a little. I knew he was mostly just trying to encourage me, but I can't help it. I love it when he tells me I did good. I didn't throw it anymore, I sat down on the grass next to Jacob, almost getting hit by the ball a few times when Spade miss-threw pretty bad.

"You never played any sports?" Jacob eventually asked.
"No. I mean, I loved volleyball cause I was actually okay at it. I never played on like a team or anything, though," I answered. The reason I didn't is because we didn't have the money to sign me up, and because Momma said it was a girl's sport. I got seriously sidetracked when I saw a frog next to the opposite side of the swing set. I quickly stood up, only a little light-headed, and very carefully stepped over to the froggie. Before he could hop away, I cupped my hands over him like a dome and scooped him up.
"Froggie!" I exclaimed, smiling and holding him close to me.
"You catch one?" Spade asked, making me nod and run to show both of them.
"You gotta look! I can't show him for very long cause he gonna run away," I told Jacob, making sure that he was watching when I barely parted my hands so he could catch a quick look of him.

I ran over to Spade to do the same.
"He's mine," I mumbled.
"The froggie has a family. You can't keep for long, or else they'll get sad," Spade told me, making me pout.
"But he's so cute," I whined. I reluctantly brought him back to the same spot he was at before and leaned down, opening my hands and letting him hop away.
"You really should have shoes on, baby. It's cold, and you're gonna step on something," Jacob told me.
"Dady!" I whined, still grieving the loss of the little frog and not realizing I was little now.
"Shit, it's gonna rain," Spade warned us.
"You need me to carry you inside?" Dady asked. I nodded and let him walk over, pick me up, and follow Spade inside. It started sprinking while we were heading inside, making Dady and Spade walk a little faster. We got inside, only a little wet, and it very quickly started pouring down.
"It rainin'" I noticed, pointing out the window to show Dady.
"Mhm. You're stuck inside with me for now," He agreed, smiling at me.

I ended up playing games on Dady's phone again while sitting in his lap. There was a certain level I just couldn't beat. I had pretty much gotten the first half down to science but kept dying at the same part. Over and over again.
"Fuck!" I whined, letting my head fall against Dady. I figured that was better than smacking my head against him on purpose since this was gentler.
"No, sir! You do not say that," He quickly reprimanded me. I made a noise that sounded like the start of a tantrum but didn't plan to continue it.
"Little boy, don't start throwing a fit now," He warned me. Honestly, the way he said it made me feel different than normal. Normally, when he tells me not to throw a tantrum, I just get more upset. Maybe it was because he just looked more stern than normal, but I wanted him to be happy with me again.

" 'm sorry," I apologized, hugging him and resting my head on his cheat. "I love you," Dady sighed and kissed my forehead gently.
"You just can't cuss, baby. That's not for little babies like you," He reminded me.
"If you keep playing, are you gonna be good?" He asked. I nodded, rubbing my eyes a little. He gave me his phone back, warning me, 'If you say the f-word again, you're gonna sit in time out,'. So, I made sure not to, even when I really wanted to.