All The Small Things

149

[Luca POV]
The whole next week was really mundane. Nothing special happened, as far as I remember, until the next Tuesday. I had been staring at the little gift box on top of our dresser everyday for the past week. It felt almost like a constant reminder that she wasn't here. I know that's weird, but that's what it felt like. I decided to open it. Jacob was working, and was supposed to get off in a couple more hours, but I had just been laying in bed all day. I forced myself to get up, sitting back down for a second when the dizziness set in, before grabbing it off our dresser. I just ran my fingertips across the sections on the side where there was glitter. I started to kinda hurt after a minute, but that didn't stop me. I eventually decided to finally pull the lid off. The only thing in it was one of the heart shaped necklaces that you put a picture in, and when I opened it, there was a picture of me as a baby with cake on my face. It's the same baby picture of me that I had printed out and have shown Jacob. I didn't know how to feel. It made me feel guilty that I had bad feelings about my momma when she got me this. I just stared at it, feeling my hands start to shake violently. I shut the locket and dropped it back in the box, shoving the box haphazardly back onto the dresser. I slid up the sleeve of my right arm, just to check how it was healing. I relapsed yesterday when I had a nightmare about her and couldn't wake up when I wanted to, and I chose to do it on my right arm since I had way less scars on that side. So I figured it would balance it out a little bit. I didn't do many and I didn't mean to go that deep, but they'd be considered 'styros' by the shtwt community. I knew they didn't need stitches, so I convinced myself I was fine and that it was okay I did it. I mean, I only did, like, 10. So it's not that bad. Right? They kinda looked like they were starting to get infected, but I didn't know for sure if I wanted to clean them. Before I could decide, the front door opened. Fuck. Jacob's not even supposed to be home yet. I roughly pulled the sleeve on the hoodie back over my arm and waited for him to open our bedroom door. It took a couple of minutes, but he opened the door eventually. I glanced up at his face for a second but quickly diverted my gaze to the door frame.

"Hi, Luca," Jacob softly whispered, sitting down on our bed. I moved so I was sitting between his legs, my head resting on his thigh and facing him. It felt comforting to be so close to him after he's been gone all day. He already stripped off his pants in the living room, so it was skin to skin. He felt warm.
"You're like a puppy sometimes," he mumbled, reaching down and starting to play with my hair. I leaned into his touch, letting him scratch my head. There was only 10 seconds of him playing with my hair until I suddenly felt the impulse to bite him. Honestly, I don't know why. But I turned my head and bit his thigh, surprising him since it came out of nowhere.
"Ow, don't bite there," he tried to redirect me, putting his hand between my mouth and his leg so I physically couldn't, but I really wanted to do it again. I think I just wanted to do it again since he told me not to. I looked up at him and saw him give me a stern look. He pulled his hand away and watched me closely while I debated internally whether or not I should bite him again. In a second, I made the decision to do it again. I didn't wanna keep thinking about doing it, so I just actually went through with it.

"Ah-ah!" He quickly reprimanded me, pushing my head away. "You know better!" I felt bad that I did it and I don't even know why I did. I also felt upset that Daddy was mad at me.
"It hurts when you bite me there," He said, a little calmer.
" 'm sorry," I slurred, telling myself I'm not allowed to cry 'cause I was being mean in the first place.
"Come here," He mumbled, pulling me into his lap, "It's not nice to bite Daddy like that, you gotta be gentle."
"I be gentle..." I whispered. He made me promise I would before taking me to go look for dinner.

He was gonna make something on the stove. I didn't pay attention to what it was specifically, but I was clinging onto him while he was cooking.
"Shit, I have to go change the laundry over to the dryer," He suddenly realized after a minute of stirring. Our washer and dryer were sorta in a closet that was still part of our dining room.
"Stir that for me," He said, handing me the utensil before grabbing a laundry basket and starting to put the wet clothes into the dryer. After a minute, I started spacing out while taking care of whatever Jakey was making. I didn't feel entirely little anymore, but I was in a weird middle ground. I only was brought back to reality when I burned my right arm against the part of the stove top that was exposed.
"Ow!" I exclaimed, stepping away from the stove as tears filled my eyes. It really hurt.
"Run it under water. Cold water," He specified, quickly stepping back into the kitchen as I turned on the faucet and very carefully pulled my sleeve up just enough that the burn was exposed to the open air.
"Baby, you're gonna get your sleeve wet," Jakey commented, starting to pull my right sleeve up farther and making me instantly feel more anxious. I really don't want him to see the cuts on my arm.
"N-no, stop i-" I tried to convince him, but he pulled it up far enough to show my self harm and made me stop my sentence before I finished it.