All The Small Things

153

[Luca POV]

I woke up a couple of hours later, and Auggie was passed out next to me. I don't entirely know why I woke up, I just felt bad. I felt like it was too hot, I thought I was gonna throw up, and I was just really upset. I stood up with Leo in my arms and rested against the wall so my dizziness would go away. When it finally did, I staggered downstairs to find Jess. She was watching a show that I didn't really care about.
"What do you need, bud?" She softly asked.
"Feel sick..." I whined, pulling my hoodie away from my body since it felt like I was being choked out.
"Aw, Hun. Come sit down for a minute," She said, scooting over so I could sit next to her.

It only took a couple minutes for her to realize I was probably homesick, and it was a lot easier to realize when I started crying and saying I wanted to go home.
"I-I wan' Dady..." I whispered, tears streaming steadily down my face.
"I don't know if he's awake, babe," She said, only making me cry harder.
"Shh, let me call him," Jess mumbled, picking up her phone from the coffee table. I sniffled and wiped my face with Dady's sleeve. She called his contact, put it on speaker, and set it in her lap while she let it ring.
"Hi?" Dady asked when he finally picked up. I hoped he wasn't still mad at me so that he would pick me up.
"Hey. Luca said he feels sick. And he feels warm," Jess said, reaching over and gently placing the back of her hand against my forehead.
"I can come get him," He sighed, "It'll be probably about twenty minutes."
"That's fine. I'll get him medicine. See ya," She said, letting Dady say bye before hanging up.

By the time he had gotten there, I had all my stuff ready to go, and Jess had given me medicine. When I heard her door open, I felt my heart start pounding. If he's mad at me, I don't know if he's gonna yell at me in the truck.
"Get your shoes on," He mumbled to me, rubbing his eyes and leaning against he railing of the stairs.
"I gave him Tylenol for his fever," Jess said as I slid my second boot on. They zipped up instead of tied, which made it really easy to get on and off. I stood up and sniffled, reaching for Dady's hand. He didn't say anything and just held my hand, so if he's mad at me, he's too tired to yell right now.
"I'll see you later, Jess. Tell Auggie he got sick," Dady said, opening the front door again. She said bye, so I stepped outside and quickly walked to the truck. It's cold outside, and I really just wanna get in.

He opened his door, unlocked my side, and got in the truck. I sat in the passenger seat, silent on the way home.
"Are you mad...?" I quietly asked when he turned the car off in front of the apartments.
"Luca," He sighed, "I'm tired and stressed out. I have work tomorrow. You should too, but I really don't know if it's best that you stay working there," I didn't know how to respond.
"Sorry...." I whispered as he opened his door. When he got out, I did, too. I quietly followed him upstairs and into our apartment.

"Hold you...?" I asked when he laid down in our bed.
"C'mere, baby," He agreed, nodding. I instantly kicked my shoes off and climbed into bed with him, letting him wrap his arms around me.
"I'm sorry if it sounded like I was still mad at you," He apologized, running his fingers through my hair.
"I-I don think I like sleepovers..." I mumbled, starting to chew on the sleeve of the hoodie I was wearing.

[Jacob POV]
"I-I don think I like sleepovers..." Luca whispered.
"That's okay, bubba," I reassured him, "They're not for everyone," I let him mess with the drawstrings in the hoodie I let him wear as I rubbed up his side.
"You just miss Daddy too much, huh?" I teased him, making him nod a little and agree with me.

"Dady, hold me better," He whined, about 7 minutes later, turning so instead of his back to me, his face was at level with my chest. I wrapped my arms around his torso after he buried his face in my chest. He pulled the hood up so his hair wouldn't be in my face.
"I know you're sleepy, c'mon. Try to fall asleep," I gently encouraged him.
"It's quiet..." He whispered.
"Do you need me to play a cartoon?" I offered, getting a little nod.
"Hand me your phone, babe," I mumbled, plugging it in when he handed it over to me before opening Disney plus and putting on Bluey.
"You ready to go to bed now?" I asked, turning the volume up a little more.
"Yeah..." He quietly agreed. I rhythmically patted his back until he stopped shifting every so often, and then I finally went to bed.

The next morning, I woke up to my alarm blaring at me. I groaned, and before I turned it off, Luca woke up too. I sat up, pulled the blanket off me, and then stood up, stretching my arms before starting to get my work uniform out of the dresser.
"Dady," Luca whined when my alarm was still making noise. He was holding his hands over his ears, trying to go back to sleep. I guess he's not going in today. I don't really mind, though.
"Hold on," I mumbled, reaching over and dismissing my alarm. I turned and saw my baby kick the blankets off him, but continue laying in bed. I quickly changed out of my current clothes into my uniform, figuring Luca still had his eyes closed so he could attempt to go back to bed.

"Babyyyyy," I cooed at him, sitting next to him on the bed. He rubbed his eyes open and pouted a little at me.
"Do you wanna cuddle before I go?" I asked. He didn't give me a straight answer, but instead sat up and climbed into my lap. His head was against my neck, almost like he was going to bite me, but I doubted he would this early.
"No leave," Luca mumbled, rubbing his face against my shoulder.
"I gotta go to work, baby," I told him, starting to scratch his back.
"Nooo..." He softly protested.
"Are you gonna play with your cars while I'm gone?" I asked, hoping to get him more on board with me having to leave.
"Yeah..." He quietly agreed, chewing on the sleeve of my hoodie he was still in.
"How did you kick your PJ pants off while you were sleeping?" I asked, suddenly noticing his bare legs. He shrugged and told me it got hot, and I left it at that.

[Luca POV]
"Lukie, I gotta go to work now," Dady told me after looking at the time on his phone. I reluctantly pushed myself off his lap, telling myself not to argue about it.
"I love you," He told me before kissing my lips for a second.
"Love you," I mumbled as he stood up. I waited until I heard the front door close to get up and go brush my teeth.

I got finished and rinsed my toothbrush before I heard my phone start ringing in our bedroom. I don't think anyone should be calling me, but maybe I'm forgetting an appointment. I quickly walked back to our bedroom and picked up my phone from the dresser. It was my dad's contact... I thought about not answering for a second, but I told myself I needed to pick it up.
"Hello...?" I asked, flopping down on the bed.
"Luca, we're doing a funeral for your mom next week. You need to show up," He told me, not bothering to tell me a hello back.
"I-I really don't think I'm going," I told him, trying my best to sound firm.
"This is not up for debate. You have to go. It's what she would've wanted," He demanded, making me waiver in my decision.
"It's down in Westport. I'll send you the address later tonight,

"Dad, I can't go-" I tried to protest, but he just yelled at me.
"What the hell do you mean you can't go? It's your own mom's funeral, and yu can't manage to man up for once in your fucking life and just go? You're such a little bitch. You're going. I don't care if I have to show up to your place and drag you the whole way there," He shouted. I just let his talk and tried to tell myself he didn't mean it. That he was just greiving still. He finally hung up without saying bye. I just left my phone on the bed and went to go find something to eat. I couldn't really find anything I wanted. Or that was until a good few hours later when I remembered we had cereal.

I found cereal and ate it. That wasn't the problem. The problem was when I was still starving. I was debating back and forth with myself about whether or not to and was getting seriously upset in the process. On one hand, I know Jacob wants me to just eat if I'm hungry. But on the other hand, I already did. Jesus Christ, I wish I could just eat without thinking about this. I laid my head on the table, trying to think of alternatives to do.

I tried to think for a couple of minutes, even though it felt way longer, before remembering I could always throw it up after. My mom used to mention it every so often when I was younger. How she 'read about it'. About how it worked. I told myself to wait it out for a little while before getting more, and if I did get more, I'd throw it up after. I knew it was gross, but I didn't know what else to do.

So I waited for ten minutes before giving in and getting more. I felt disgusted with myself that I couldn't ignore my stomach. That I didn't have the self-control to wait for dinner. I ate it, calling myself gross the entire time, and stood up while holding Leo. I tossed my bowl in the sink and kissed my stuffies nose before setting him down on the couch. I went to the bathroom and sat down on the floor in front of the toilet, taking a minute to think before actually doing this.

I've tried this before in high school. That same friend who introduced me to self harm, also told me how to successfully make myself purge. I tried it a couple of times when I would eat too much at one of the parties I got dragged to. I stopped doing it when I stopped going to those kinds of parties, but I still remembered how to do it. I took a big breath before sticking my fingers all the way to the back of my throat.