sunsets after dark. | poetry collection

306. - 310. + A.N.

306.
Even if your healing is unnoticeable by you
doesn't mean it's not happening.
~E, it's a process.

307.
I can't listen to the artist you introduced me to anymore.
The artist I started listening to so you would want to talk to me.
The way I tried and tried for you to just want to spend and waste your time on me.
You being engraved in between the lyrics.
I can't listen to them anymore.
Even if I want to.
Since you're in between every lyric.
Every word.
Singing me a siren song I can't refuse.
It takes me in.
Hypnosis at its peak.
I try to turn away from the siren's song.
I can't listen to the artist you introduced me to anymore.
It reminds me of you and I have no control over it.
~E, Gorillaz.

308.
"Stop making me feel as forgettable as your silence is making me feel."
A quote so deep rooted into my being.
From being forgotten by family, lovers, and friends.
Their silence cutting through me.
Leaving gashes and wounds running deep.
My heart being branded with their name.
From being their most important to their least.
All because of someone new in the picture.
Becoming just apart of their scenery, their background since I was forgotten along their journey for greatness.
~E, not being apart of the full picture.

309.
Yours.
"You never loved me. You didn't show it."
I loved you with my whole soul, heart, and being.
Your name being engraved into my skin and being branded as yours.
Even if we weren't together I was undeniably yours.
I had no interest in anyone else.
No one made me as happy as you did.
I didn't smile as brightly at anyone else's texts but yours.
I didn't talk about anyone else but you.
Boring everyone around me with your name and our small interactions.
Exaggerating it in large amounts.
Deluding myself on the possibility that you felt the same.
Obsessing over the smallest things.
How you said my name.
How you reacted to something I said or did.
I was obsessed with you.
I was undeniably yours.
As I would be for longer than I should.
~E, undeniably in love with you.

310.
I want to be included.
I want to be apart of the conversation.
The vibes, the memories, the moments.
But I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb.
The odd one out.
The one that's just there as a place holder for someone else.
Someone greater, or someone better.
Someone that isn't me.
So I distance myself until I'm to the point where I think I'm better off on my own.
No one to be a placeholder for.
No one that could replace me with someone greater or someone better.
Then long for the feeling of being included.
To be wanted to be there.
For my presence and thoughts and feelings to matter.
For them to be missed when I'm not around.
For me to be missed.
I want to be included even if I feel like the odd one out.
~E, odd one out.

•••
It's been a while hasn't it? I was in a writing slump for a while is still partly are. But a longer set of poems this time that majority had titles believe it or not. It's funny I'm finally over the person I wrote about for YEARS. Hell I even won a poetry award with one of the poems about them. Crazyyy. They'll probably still come up in some of my poems to come. But who knows. Maybe someone else will be my muse.