[p o e t r y]

A Simple Life vs A Stuck Life

Here's the thing
I'm scared
I'm sad
I'm scared
I'm angry
But most of all I'm just scared

I'm scared because
Everyone around me
Is so excited to
Grow up and live
Simple, happy lives
And don't get me wrong
I'm excited to grow up
And I want my life to be
Overflowing with
Happiness

But my goodness
I don't want my life to be simple
Because simplicity
Isn't simple to me
A simple life is getting stuck
Stuck

And gosh
My gosh
I wish that wasn't how I saw things
Because now I'm scared
I have a mom I don't want to let down
I have a church I want to support me
I have a boyfriend I don't want to loose
I have a God I want to serve
And I don't know where my
Fear of getting stuck
Mixes with the truths I know

It seems to me
That there's this simple pattern to life
You're born
You go to school for 18 years
You move out
Go to school for another 4 years
Get a job
Get married
5 years later you have kids
Raise them, school then
18ish years later go back to work
Retire
And then you die

Some of my friends ache
To live that simple life
My mom is living that simple life
But my gosh
I can't breathe
When I think of
Getting stuck
In that simple life

So what do I do?
Am I wrong to fear getting stuck?
Will I disappoint my parents
If I do not one day have children?
Will I dishonor the Lord &
My church if I am not
"Fruitful and multiply[ing]"
Is it fair to my boyfriend
To ask him to continue
To stay with me,
Not knowing if I'll ever want
Children or simplicity?

Where is the line
Between possessing a fear
I am allowed to have
And sinning against
And hurting those around me
Through my unreasonable fears?

Is it okay to be afraid?
Is it unreasonable?
I don't know.
What am I to do?