{Alycia Debnam-Careyxyou} Home Behind the Desktop

13

"Mom?"

"Hi, sweetie," she says, giving a small smile. She looked uncomfortable standing in the doorway, glancing her eyes around the room. I felt awkward just looking at her. It was weird to see her here, but not that surprising considering I only ever saw her when something major happened.
I had lived with her for a time, splitting between staying at my Dads and then at hers, but she was very withdrawn from my situation. She obviously didn't like my father so she avoided  any situation where she'd be around him, even if that meant my brother and I were alone with him.
"Y/n, I'm going to need to ask you some questions if that's alright with you?" The officer asked, stepping into the room. I shifted my eyes back to my mother and then at the officer before nodding my head slowly.
"Alright, if I could have you two ladies step out for a moment, and we will have you guys back in shortly," he addressed to Alycia and my mother. I turned my head toward Alycia who nodded her head at the officer and gave me a small smile before leaving the room. My mother looked confused at the "stranger" in the room, but stepped out with her regardless.
As soon as the door shut, the officer turned back toward me, and the nurse began to start a new iv.
"Y/n I understand that this may be difficult for you to talk about, but can you tell me what happened?" He asked cautiously.
I took in a deep breath, moving my eyes to the foot of the bed. This was going to suck... I mean where do I even start from? All this had been going on for so long, I've lost track of the countless horrors they had put on us. But I have to stay strong, I have to just let it out this time. I took a deep breath, letting out another sigh before finally allowing the words to fall from my mouth.
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I kept my eyes on the ground as the officer stepped out of the room. I didn't know what to feel. Should I feel terrified or relieved? Am I still held captive or can I call myself free? There were so many emotions rushing through me, so many thoughts racing through my brain and yet I felt empty. I was void of any specific emotion, the numb feeling pulling me deeper into dissociation. I don't want to be here. I'm "safe," but why don't I feel that way?

A light knock on the door caused me to lift my eyes and in came Alycia who wore a small smile on her face. I let my eyes fall to my feet hanging off the bed, but my body relaxed a little, her warm presence now filling the room. She was light no matter where she went, she brightened every room and if you got close enough, you could feel it. 

"Hey" she said softly, causing my lips to curl upwards for a second. She walked towards me and sat on the side of the bed beside me. We stayed silent for a moment, just sitting in each others presence. I wrapped my arms around myself, still pretty uncomfortable after my conversation with the police. She didn't say anything, only lifted a hand to my back, gently stroking up and down with the tips of her fingers. I closed my eyes at the touch and took a deep breath, trying to ground myself and come back to reality, but it was hard. It was hard to confront the past, even if it just happened, I usually just tried not to think of it. 

I thought telling someone about what happened was what I wanted. I thought I wanted freedom from my family, I know I still do. But something doesn't feel right..

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alycia asked, breaking the silence. I turned my head, meeting her eyes before dropping them again. 

"He's locked up at the county jail right now," I shrugged. "They don't have a court date yet." She tilted her head, causing me to look back up.

She gave me a sympathetic smile, "well, that's good isn't it? He can't hurt you anymore."

I dropped my head, slowly nodding. I know I should be thankful for all of this, but I feel hesitant. Nobody has ever taken these allegations seriously before. While we've never had a situation where he was caught in the act, he still usually finds a way to get away with it.