{Alycia Debnam-Careyxyou} Home Behind the Desktop

14

My knees were cold against the tile floor of the bathroom as I sat there, clenching my stomach. The rollercoaster of emotions I've felt were finally coming to the surface, making me sick to my stomach. My hands gripped the sides of the toilet as I let it all come up, the tension causing the pain in my ribs to flare. I groaned from the pain as I shifted my body to lean against the wall. I leaned my head back, my arms crossed over my stomach, when I heard a knock at the door.

"Y/n?" I heard a woman say. 

"In here," I said weakly from the bathroom floor. The nurse walked into the room, eyes wide to see me on the floor. "Are you alright?" she asked me, and I responded with a shrug. I grabbed a piece of toilet paper and wiped my mouth before reaching over and flushing the toilet. I pushed my hands into the ground, standing myself up and the nurse rushed over, helping me to my feet.

"You should be in bed. I see you changed?"

I nodded my head, walking out of the bathroom and to the chair with my bag on it.

"I'd like to leave, I don't want to be here anymore and there's not much else you can do for me." 

She shook her head at me, clearly not approving of my decision, but I was 18, so I could make that choice for myself.

"I can get you the paperwork to sign out, but you really need to rest. You're no where near healed from your injuries yet. But I'll call the doctor to get you a script for pain medications to send you home with," she said before stepping out of the room.

I took a seat on the edge of the bed and dropped my head to the ground. I still couldn't wrap my head around the events that just occurred. My dad getting caught for his years of chaos, my teacher getting involved in all of this, my mother finally showing up when I needed her, only for myself to tell her to leave. There were a lot of people involved in this situation, and yet, I felt completely alone in this. I was used to the feeling of being alone for the most part, I've always dealt with my issues on my own. It was hard to get over the idea that I could only rely on myself because of how often I've been let down in the past. It was safer that way, keeping to myself. But I couldn't deny the desire to change that part of me. To trust people and build relationships. I really wanted that comfort, and for the last couple weeks, I got to experience that a little. 

Oh, to have a life that was simple like that, a life that was happy. I'd love for that to be possible.

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I stood outside the pharmacy of the hospital, looking down at the script in my hands. The line wasn't very long and the medication was surprisingly affordable, but for some reason, I couldn't get myself to step forward. I sighed and scanned the room a moment before ripping up the script in my hands and tossing it in the trash.

I stepped out of the hospital, wincing as I slipped the other strap of my backpack on my shoulder. The pain medications were starting to wear off already, but as much as I wanted the relief, I was glad I didn't fill the script. To be honest, I wasn't sure where to go at this point. I couldn't go to my dads, (obviously) at least not until tomorrow with the cops to safely retrieve my things. I wasn't going home with my mom because I did not want to deal with that right now. I'm running out of options. 

I looked down at my watch that read 8:40 pm.

Jesus it's already Friday. I must have been out for a few days before I woke up.

I started walking aimlessly, still undecided on where I was going, I just kept moving. I thought about possibly going to Gray's. He lived with his grandmother who had dementia, so he could really bring in whoever and she would never really notice, but I didn't really like that option either. I was embarrassed by the situation that he had witnessed. I had never told him about my issues with my father before, so I had no idea how he felt about it. I know I have limited options right now, and I should just shove my pride away, but I couldn't help but think about my last option.