Ymir's Necklace: The Secret You Hold | Book I | Levi x Reader

Regret

YOUR POV

The next morning you woke up suddenly. You could feel yourself covered in sweat, even through the morning chill. You felt Levi's body next to yours, but couldn't feel his usual warmth. Your body was placed opposite to him, but somehow you knew he was awake. Even if you rationally understood why he didn't tell you about Eren...a part of you didn't comprehend why he wouldn't trust you enough to share that with you. Was he really trying to protect you? Or was he just trying to protect himself? You deeply wanted to make him understand you weren't weak, that whatever your dream and your pendant meant, whatever all that sleepwalking shit show was...you were strong enough to face it. Head on.

Yet, even if it was himself that he was trying to protect - could you really blame him? He wouldn't dare to tell you upfront, but you knew just how many people he had lost before he met you. Gabi had confessed that to you days before. She just couldn't bring herself to go into detail. But no matter how strong and resilient he remained, humanity's strongest soldier was a human after all. However, suddenly ignoring you and marking his distance wouldn't make you disappear - it wouldn't erase the kisses, the soft touches against your skin, the violent craving that possessed you both, magnetizing you to each other. Pretending he didn't feel for you anymore wouldn't make you just go away.

While you continued to ruminate, you felt his cold hand reach your arm, softly pressing itself onto your skin. You startled, confusion overtook your thoughts quickly. Silence continued to invade the space between the two of you. You couldn't tell if it was pride or disappointment that kept you from speaking up. Maybe it was both. Part of you hoped Levi would say something, anything. But silence won the war.

Seconds went by and you stood from the bed, parting from his touch and quickly dressing yourself up, then tidying up your messy hair. Levi looked at you while you moved, following you with his heavy gaze. He remained silent.

'I'm going to get some fresh air, do you need anything?' - coldness emerged from your lips. You didn't like the sound of your own voice right then.

'No'

Your escaped the tent, shrugging as you felt a stinging sensation in building in your eyes. As you walked across the silent camp, you felt a deep pressure inside your throat. It had been ages since you felt like this...so useless to a situation. Were you on your own now? To discover whatever the hell your dream was about? You held your pendant tight and cursed it silently in your head, feeling as if a strong force was dictating your life. You wanted to rip it off your neck and scream, you ached to feel the liberating feeling of a naked neck for once. You'd been a slave to this misterious red stone for so long.

Right before you could even think about what to do next, you felt your body ache as you bumped into a tall buff figure. You heard yourself apologize as you looked up.

'Oh, sorry, I didn't see you there' - Reiner Braun exhaled, shocked to see you awake so early in the morning.

'Reiner!' - you sighed, somehow relieved. You felt yourself crash into his chest, a single tear running down your cheek. You held him tight as your breathing became heavy.

'Hey...what's going on? Are you okay?'

'I...just missed you' - you heard yourself lie. You did miss him, but that wasn't the reason you were crying.

Reiner smiled sweetly and held you tight, gently caressing your back and the back of your head. He removed your hair from your face softly and stared into your eyes. He looked worried as he softly frowned.

'I know you...something's up. You don't need to tell me just...walk with me, okay?'

You nodded slowly.

Reiner and you stared at the river, quietly observing its waves and how the clouds were coming together in the grey sky, signaling the incoming rain. You sat besides each other in silence for a while, simply enjoying each other's company and the beautiful view that stood right in front of you. After a while, you spoke.

'I noticed the way Levi looked at you and Annie'

Reiner's raised his eyebrows as he continued staring at the water. You looked at his face and noticed the way the wind played with his blond hair. He looked older, serene and grounded. He had always been handsome in your eyes.

'He hasn't forgiven us, understandably' - he sighed, still looking away from you. You felt a hint of remorse in his voice. You knew him enough to tell.

'I'm assuming you've killed his men, his friends?' - you inquired.

Reiner nodded, then looked into your eye. His eyes held sadness as his lips parted.

'I killed a lot of Eldians, (Y/n). You know we were warriors. Annie...he killed Levi's entire squad before us'

You looked at him in shock as your lips parted in disbelief. That blond quiet girl had murdered so many people? He murdered an entire squad? Reiner looked serenely into your eyes, then continued.

'He...cared for everyone deeply. I believe you've gotten to know more of him, yes?'

'I have'

'Levi lost a lot. He's lost...almost everyone. The folk that came to visit, that's all he has left'

You suddenly froze, now fully understanding his coldness toward you. He just couldn't risk losing anymore. How could he, though? It was all just too much.

'I figured... he doesn't... talk about those things'

Reiner held his gaze onto yours, slightly racing an eyebrow.

'You two are close, I can tell'

You looked down, breaking eye contact with your old friend. You didn't know how much you wanted to share with Reiner. Seeing him again pleased you, but things with Levi were uncertain, you didn't even know what you two were to each other exactly, so sharing how you were feeling seemed...odd. You gave the blond a small nod and looked into his eyes again. He parted his lips as he reached for your hand, holding it tightly.

'You have to know, (Y/n). I hate what I did. I wish I could take it back, but I can't'.

You held your gaze onto his, tightening the grip of his hand.

'I know'.

That night was Bonfire night. You remembered as you walked back to the camp alongside Reiner. Talking to him allowed you to release the sadness you were holding in your chest. You figured everyone carried their own demons. You only hoped yours weren't so horrifying.

As you looked at everyone preparing the scene for the night's activities, you walked past Levi. He was talking to Doctor Keith, but he didn't look like he was focusing on his words. He quickly glared at you once you walked into the camp, parting his lips as he realized you were in Reiner's company. You held your gaze for some seconds, then continued to look forward. You couldn't afford feeling that horrible sensation in your chest again.

You could only hope the day would go by fast, and the night even more so. You then decided to spend all day by the river painting. It didn't matter if rained fucked your whole progress and soaked your paintings. You couldn't be around people and you knew it.