Love is Suicidal [Completed]

chapter: forty one

When I left the house, I had to go back and grab my board then figure out where I was putting the cookies. I managed to place them in my hoodie to keep them nice and comfortable so they wouldn't fall out.

I managed to figure it out so now I was on my way to Rivers house, not caring about a thing in the world as I was skating down the sidewalk without thinking about what was waiting for me on the other side.

The cold was getting worse and I had to stop skating for a moment. The wind was burning my face from the cold that I had to pull my hoodie over my head tighter so it wouldn't hit my face as much.

Skating down the sidewalk, I made it to her street and I saw the streetlights illuminating my way to her house.

I saw a few lights on in the houses I passed by as I was getting closer to her house.

When it came into view, I felt my heart hammering in my chest as I stopped and kicked my board up before grabbing it. I took a breath before walking up her driveway towards her door then stopped when I walked up the steps.

I slowly knocked on the door as I held onto my board and stared down at my feet that I could barely see. I heard noises from the house then looked up in time for the door to open and River was standing there.

She looks at me for a moment as she held the door. "Yes?"

"Um.. you messaged me on Instagram?"

I watch her rub her forehead before sighing. "I didn't mean to."

"Huh?"

"Come in. The cold is bothering me."

I stepped inside then watch as she shuts the door. I follow her through the hall, which was well lit. The light in here was bright and it gave so much light to be able to see each other clearly, before stopping near the living room and she faced me. "Look, I'm sorry about messaging you. I didn't think you'd respond or.. show up."

"Um.. ok?" I ask, clearly confused. "Should of said something before I came all the way over here."

"I did."

I grabbed my phone from my pocket and saw a message from her. I saw where she said nevermind and now I felt like an idiot.

Placing my phone back in my pocket, I nod before looking at her. "I don't get you, River."

"What do you mean?"

"You're- I don't know how to say it. You've been inviting me over, being nice to me then the next you're yelling in my face and telling me to leave you alone. Now you're being nice again?"

She looks at me before crossing her arms. "That's how I am. I mean you should know since you read my folder."

"I didn't read all of it and I told you I was sorry." I watch her for a moment as I shook my head. "I honestly don't know why I like you so much." I turn around as I was ready to leave but then she stopped me.

"You shouldn't even have liked me in the first place." She looks at me. "I saw the way you looked at me at the gas station. I saw you in the bar, staring at me and I knew then. I tried keeping you away."

"By pulling me at the same time?" I ask. "Inviting me here? Being nice then hateful the next day?"

I saw her look somewhere before shutting her eyes for a moment. "You really need to leave, Jesse." She looks at me. "Don't come back."

I chuckle then shook my head. "You tell me that now but in a few days you're going to invite me back over or be nice again at the bar, right?"

She stares at me for a moment. "Leave."