Splinters: Part One

Splinters | Collie's POV

Collie's POV

Kissing Zech was different from kissing Brayden. It was familiar, but also guilt tripping.

Choosing between him and Brayden these past few weeks was almost torturous. I wondered how I managed to look away from Zech these past 9 months. I wondered how I thought I loved Brayden all this time when in reality, I just wanted to fix him.

It's difficult to see how much time was wasted, to see how much I've possibly hurt him. I've spent so much time with him, gotten to know him as a person, gotten to fall in love with him. Maybe I did love him. Yes, I did love him, but not as much as I love Zech.

Zech and I were having a rather intense make-out session, something I'm not particularly proud of while still being in a relationship with another boy. However, it's not that Brayden and I are happy together at the moment. We're both upset at each other. So, I mean, if he's kissing another girl right now, it'd be even right?

Suddenly, my phone began vibrating on the side table of the couch.

Zech pulled away first, staring at me, annoyed. I turned and grabbed my phone. Biting my lip, I glanced at him and shrugged. He put his elbow on the head of the couch and rest it on his hand.

"Let me guess: Brayden," he said bitterly.

I looked back at my phone, turning it on silent, and slowly set it on the table. "It's off now."

"Collie," he said quietly, rubbing my thigh. "I can't keep doing this. I can't keep thinking you're mine when he clearly doesn't understand that," he admitted, gesturing towards my iPhone.

"Okay," I nodded, my voice smaller than I intended.

"Collie," he said again, ultimately making my stomach twist. "I want you to end it with him."

I sighed, rubbing my forehead and shifting on my spot on my family sofa. "I can't do that right now, Zech."

"What has he done for you, Collie? He's been ignoring you the past few weeks and keeps picking fights after you've slept together. I can guarantee all he's ever wanted was to get in your pants! I wouldn't do tha-"

"Shush, Zech! My parents don't know!"

He shook his head, obviously frustrated. "It's just... Just thinking about you guys together like that and him treating you this way..."

I knew confiding in Zech was wrong, especially with the feelings that we obviously couldn't hide anymore. The worst thing about it though is that when I told him about Brayden and I sleeping together, I didn't tell him that it was my idea.

I don't know what I was thinking when it happened. Half of me was trying to save mine and Brayden's relationship, but the other half wanted me to see if I loved Brayden more than Zech after spending so much time with him while Brayden was ignoring me. I got second thoughts.

I knew that I could still love Brayden if I also still had Zech, but the truth is I want Zech as something more. I have since we broke up. Brayden was only a distraction, an illusion promising me that I no longer cared for Zech that way. For a year, I've struggled watching Zech go from girl to girl, and finally, when I thought I'd moved on, he wanted me back.

"It'll tear him apart," I said. Which was true, but I honestly wasn't sure if I wanted to break up with Brayden.

Sure, I want to be with Zech, but that doesn't mean I don't care enough about Brayden as to just throw him to the side. He still matters.

"Frankly, I don't really care."

I frowned and began playing with my hands. Zech sighed.

"Look, I know you told him you hate me and you never liked me and that I was clingy and all that other shit, but you've gotta tell him the truth, Collie. You and I both know that when we broke up, it was because we thought Freshman Year would be different. When I realized I still needed you, he walked into Constance and I can't even begin to think about losing you again to that prick." He waited for a moment. "It's me or him, Collie."