Living With My Fate ✔(#Wattys2016)

46. Dont you say I don't know you!!!

" Flo... " My mom called out meakly. Seeing her in the black dress with an absolute look of dejection on her face, knocked out the life from me.

None of us could sleep last night. I was inconsolable and I could hear mom's screaming and cries downstairs. I couldn't console her by saying its going to be okay because it wont be.

" Mom... You look.."

Her eyes were rimmed with darkness. Her face was pale and subtle. The lively face of my mother had been killed with my Dad's death.

I straightened my black long sleeved dress and walked towards my mom.
I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tightly.

" I am so sorry mom.." I mumbled against the soft fabric of her dress.

" Sweetie.. Why are you sorry.. It was bound to happen. I just wasn't prepared for it" She choked meekly .

I hugged her as tears again found there way out. Dad's presence hadn't been in this house but the fact that I knew he was alive sufficed his absence. Now all I feel is a gaping hiatus. I couldn't imagine how awful state mom was in. She was trying to hold herself but I could see her falling apart.

She used to tell me about their love story during dinners. I always loved how love worked for them. How simple and subtle it was for them. He used to tell how he met mom in a soccer match .She was his friends girlfriend's best friend. He used to tell me how he couldn't take his eyes off mom.

All these perfectly bound memories and in one second it all was gone.

All those memories stood meaningless and stark.

And I felt like the worst daughter in this planet. I was the worst daughter. I wish I could end my life but I tried and it doesn't really work for me.

He was the reason.

Behind Dad's death.

Behind every single misery in my life.

Behind the tears in my mom's eyes.

I was disgusted by the thought of him. His appearance didnt entice me. All I felt and envisioned was strong hate. I hate Fort. I can't love a person who could so mercilessly end my dad's life!

This just added to the pain. All the memories just backfired. The pain of loosing Dad pierced my body. Every trip we went, Every family dinner, Camping ,Hiking in Fiji and the beautiful memories I created with my family were now burning up in ashes.

Then came crashing were the memories with Fort. Our first kiss, The time we spent at the park, hugging him the date.

I squeezed my eyelids shut and let the tears flow out. My legs wouldn't carry me. My body felt dejected.

" Just once If he let me say goodbye.." My mom muttered

"Mom... If I got one chance to change everything... I swear I would have. ...but some changes just arnt meant to be"

Like Fort. He cant change. He will always be rude, egoistic arrogant monster.

We drove to the funeral ground. My mom sniffed trying to keep the tears contained .Seeing her like this was breaking me down worse then I was already.

The funeral ground itself made me nauseated. All our relatives were sitting with a sad sympathic expression. I didn't have any will to face them. I wanted to go and cry the entire day. His body was in the centre caged in a coffin. I couldn't bare seeing the view for one minute.

Mom suddenly held my hand

" Flo.. I-I-I can't see this happen.. I-I-I-I can't do.. This " She immediately broke down into a array of tears . She bent on her knees .Her face was pale and a canvas of grief. The Mourning atmosphere had something dreadful that even I feared it . Ever since I realized my ability to see death I had a phobia from graveyards.