Right Behind You

Chapter Seventy-Three: Tispy

"I've been crucified, darling

Ghost haunt me like New Orleans
I've been charged with murder
'Cause some wanna push me further
I'll hit you where it hurts, yeah
If you don't put me first, yeah
And I don't give no apologies
If you lose a life that's not on me, yeah

Better baby, better treat me better
Better than those other guys who change up like the weather, yeah
It is such a shame that they went missing, they can't find 'em now
Oh, I wonder how, I accidentally put them in the ground, yeah

I might be a little tipsy on your love
Makes me a little crazy but so what
You're strumming on my heart strings, don't be dumb
If you love your little life then don't fuck up."

-Chloe x Halle (Tipsy)

Hazel:

I was so happy that my babies came to visit me for my birthday weekend in New York. Although I wasn't a native of the city, it reminded me of all the good times I had in downtown Chicago meeting people, dancing, and just trying out different places and hobbies; there was something for everyone here and it was beautiful. But I realized, as I was getting older the novelty of it was wearing off, there were some things that I did enjoy, but hanging in downtown Brooklyn and Manhattan when the nighttime came definitely had passed their prime. I so much preferred after a long day of work to occupy myself doing some invigorating reading, or some yoga early in the morning when I wasn't tending to my plants in my apartment.

I knew my girlfriends had something up their sleeves since my birthday was around the corner and I appreciated it, but what really excited me the most is that my daughters were here to celebrate it with me. This was something I never got to experience; I surely wished Tariq was still alive and well and here celebrating as well, but that was the price I paid for the reckless decisions I made in my youth. But my goal was to always be better, do rectify from mistakes, and show everyone that I was not my past.

That day in Oman, when Roya exposed my truth to everyone made me feel so small, that maybe what she was saying about me being a bad mother was true. But I felt so assured when Riny and Sabien came to check up on me in the room and comforted me and how we weren't our past mistakes and we had to grow from them. I had read thousands of times in the many books I had lined in my apartment, but somehow hearing your grown daughter that you've been hiding from for years tell you that made it hit very different. 

I couldn't lie after Riny told me about what happened to her in Atlanta, I had felt once again that I had failed her, that I was the reason she went through all of this. Then Omid showed up at my door and we had a talk; I was angry at him for not telling me this happened to her, but he assured me had taken care of it and that it was "Riny's story to tell" not his.

I respected that and felt that I was angry at him because I was angry at myself for being the cause of all of this. But regardless of all of that, I was happy today. The girls were coming over to my apartment after landing and settling themselves in their hotel and joining me for some breakfast. I really cooked up something nice for them to enjoy, a mix of Haitian delights sprinkled with some American tradition; I hoped they liked it. I spent the rest of the time tidying up the place to make it presentable, although my apartment kind of had a Boho-chic kind of style going for it, it was unapologetically me.

Once I heard the knock on my door, I quickly scurried over to the door to open it. I took a look in the peep-hole making sure it was them before opening the door. Sabien was the first to come in with a smile on her face. "Hey, mom!" I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek as she continued walking further into the room. Riny came in after her, shutting the door behind her in the process. I gave her a hug and she returned it with a bit more reservation than Sabien; I get it she wasn't as touchy-feely as my youngest, I think maybe it was just her personality and her getting used to me.