Partners in Speed - ver.2 (also Street Racers #2)

11. Taehyung

It would have been better if I didn't exist... Huh...

The words are not even as bad as who's said them, because I never thought I'd hear him say it. My family – sure. They did say it, many times in the past. Especially my father. He said it so many times it lost the meaning. But not Jungkook. Jungkook saying this was like being stabbed.

If that's all he cares about, I'll get that fucking spot even if to spite him.

From the race, I go straight to my garage. Not to work, to be alone in the place that feels the most like home. I turn the lamps on and stay outside, leaning against my car, smoking.

I feel stupid. And stupidly lonely. For a moment, after talking to Yeeun and earlier at the race, I thought I had a potential friend. I was so sure that's where we were headed. I guess I was way off in my judgment. Jungkook has never cared about it. He was just doing what he thought was right. He cares about winning. And that's why he was, is, and always will be better than me. That's what he's striving to be.

I light another cigarette, when a car's lights flash at the gate. I watch an unfamiliar car pull up, and when Joonjae gets out of the car, I take a long drag. I don't want him here, I don't want anyone here. He's gonna say some bullshit that's supposed to make me feel better, but nothing will make me feel better tonight.

It's a hopeless case.

But I don't have the energy to try telling him off. I'm just... ah, whatever.

"Hey," he says. It sounds wrong. Not the right person.

I puff out the smoke and nod a greeting at him.

"I've been at the race tonight," he says. "I've seen what happened."

And we're nowhere near close to talk about it. "I don't wanna talk about it," I say, resting one arm across my chest, the other holding the cigarette up. Wow, Kim Taehyung, that sounded like a boundary.

"You don't have to hold it in."

"I know," I say, not caring if I sound even a bit rude. "I wouldn't, but I don't really wanna talk about it."

He closes the door to his car and walks closer. "What he did was pretty shitty."

Does he not understand or what?

I won't be reminding myself.

"You were right," he says. "He's got no respect. You really don't do shit like that to other people."

I take a longer drag when I feel a surge of being protective. Like... I can say that about Jungkook. He can't. But I won't say it out loud. It's dumb. It's more than enough that it's in my mind for a moment.

I will try one more time. "I'm honestly not willing to go through that shit once again tonight, so please, don't talk about it."

He nods, but still doesn't move. I close my eyes, trying to calm down, when he says, "I don't think you should be around this guy."

When I try to find it in myself to either snap or politely tell him to fuck off, another car pulls up. Silver Jaguar. Wooshik. My chest untangles immediately, making me feel lighter. I feel... relieved. Physically and mentally.

I don't expect him to knight-on-a-white-horse me out of this situation, but seeing him makes me feel less hopeless.

"Listen," I say, finishing the cigarette and putting it off under my shoe. Wooshik closes his door and carefully makes his way closer. "If you didn't hear me the first three times, I don't wanna talk about this. I don't mean to be a dick, but you're genuinely getting on my nerves right now. We're not even acquaintances, so please, leave me alone while I'm still somewhat trying to be kind."