Partners in Speed - ver.2 (also Street Racers #2)

SR 3. Wooshik

I signed the lease. It's happening.

Okay, I knew it was happening a month ago, when I refused to go back to Daegu. Maybe I didn't say the words out loud then, but I knew I was going to move. I was waiting for an opportunity to escape Daegu anyways. I've had enough of this place.

Half of my old apartment is packed up. I'll take it to my rented place, and in two weeks I get the keys to my new home. And I will live in it. All by myself. Alone.

It's not like I've ever lived with someone. For ten years, I've lived by myself. Except that there was no one in Daegu I wanted to live with.

And now there is someone in Seoul...

It's been two months, I know, but I find moving in by myself stupid. I'm nearly 30, it's the strongest I've ever felt about someone. On one hand, I'm enjoying what we have and the natural flow of it. On the other hand, I want to move forward. I want more. But that's me. I'm... impulsive, maybe. Straightforward. The moment I know I want something, I go after it.

Now some of the decisions I can't make by myself.

And if we're not on the same page? What if Taehyung doesn't think of it long-term? I don't even want to consider it a possibility.

I put another bag of things by the wall and drop onto the couch. I've been packing since morning. I'm tired. And now I'm overthinking. Fuck, I'm not an overthinker. This is not good.

I immediately face-time Sue. I need an outside perspective on this. A mental slap. My judgment is clouded by how crazy I am about him. Which is a new experience to me, entirely new.

Sue picks up, shoving her face into the camera. "You don't facetime me unless you have a problem. What is it this time?"

"This is a lie," I say, slouching on the couch. "Last time I face-timed you when I was making dinner."

"On rare occasions, you face-time me without a problem. And I know this is not a rare occasion. What's up?"

I go straight for my question. "On a scale from one to ten, how inappropriate it is to ask Taehyung to move in with me?"

"Have you slept together yet?"

"No."

She pauses. "No? What are you waiting for?"

"That's the whole point of my question, Sue. I don't wanna move too fast."

"You're not the type to hold off your decisions," she says, suspicious.

"Yeah, because they concern me. This is... this concerns both of us. I can't make those decisions myself."

"What stops you from asking him? In the worst case scenario, he'll say 'no' and you'll have to wait."

"No. In the worst case scenario, he will say 'no' and will never talk to me again because he'll think I'm weird."

"Wooshik, baby, you are weird."

"Say it again when you want to sleep in my apartment."

"Okay, you're not weird." She laughs. "But you're special. One of a kind. If he deals with that, I don't think he'll run away."

"I don't want him to run away." I sigh. "I'm so happy, Sue. I just wanna... kiss him all the time, and hold him all the time, and I'm so holding back, I swear to God, it's painful."

"Wooshik."

"What?"

"Don't hold back, you dumbass," she says. "You can't hold back forever. You'll break eventually. He better know what he's getting himself into from the beginning."

I sigh again.

"You never cared whether you pushed people away or not. What the hell is this behavior?" Sue asks.

"I guess my not caring didn't consider meeting someone like him."

"Someone like him?" I can tell she gets comfortable, resting her chin in the palm of her hand, ready to listen to the whole story.

"I feel like I've waited all those years to meet him. Without knowing it."

"If he feels the same way, it will be hard to push him away. If he runs away because of the way you really are... then he just isn't the one."

"Yeah. I guess."

"You want him to be the one." She smiles. "I get it."

"Remember when I told you years ago that I don't feel like there's a place for me in the world?"

"Yeah. You said you felt detached from everything and everyone."

That there was a world and me. Not me in the world, but somehow existing alongside it.

"I was only curious when I heard about him," I say. "But now... now I feel like I do have my place in the world. Like I belong somewhere. I love this feeling, Sue. It's... I don't feel so cut off from reality."

"And I'm really glad you found this," she says.

Before this can get too sappy, I ask, "Hey, Sue. What's going on with you and Garam?"

She rolls her eyes. "Like I'm gonna tell you. Remember. The cat."

"The cat wasn't as important as this."

"The cat was the most important thing in your life for nine months, Wooshik, you dumbass. And you still didn't tell me shit."

"So, does it mean right now Garam is the most important to you and that's why you're not gonna tell me anything?"

"Exactly. You can talk about your boyfriend, instead."

"My- Sue."

"What?"

"We're not boyfriends."

We look at each other with horror.

"What do you mean you're not boyfriends?" she asks.

"No one asked."

"What the hell are you then?"

"I don't know? Dating?"

"That's literally boyfriends."

"But it was never established."

"Then establish it? Are you dumb?"

"I'm smarter than you."

"Yeah, probably.," she says. "You can build an engine."

"Okay, fine. I will ask him soon. Wait, isn't that too soon?"

"God, Wooshik. People get together after a one night stand. Some of them wait a decade to be together. You're only overthinking it because you've never cared as much. If it was anything else, you wouldn't hesitate for a second." That's what I needed.

"Yeah, I wouldn't. You're right. Okay, fine. I will stop being whatever the fuck it is." And it better not turn out against me.

"You better. You're more annoying than usually."

"Sounds like a compliment coming from you."

"Are you in Daegu today?"

"Yeah, I'm packing."

"Let's have cold noodles before you leave!" She screams and I know she's about to hang up, without even needing an answer. This was not an offer, but an order, and before I can agree, she's gone.