Partners in Speed - ver.2 (also Street Racers #2)

24. Jungkook

Doctor Jang Yeeun forced me to stay home today, so that's what I'm doing. Half-sitting on the couch, eating, watching TV since morning, not really having much energy for anything else. I slept at Taehyung's until 7. Headache woke me up. I haven't been able to fall asleep ever since.

Yeeun, on the other hand, is running around, getting ready to meet Park Jimin again. It's not necessarily jealousy that I feel because of it. I'm not sure if I ever actually experienced pure jealousy. But I still don't like it. I don't like that she has to risk so much because she's smart and skilled, and somehow the underground world found out about it.

"Let me go with you," I say. I wish I was saying this because I'm worried. Interestingly enough, I'm not that concerned. I know Jimin won't hurt her. That would go against his ideas. I know if he tires, she'll have him at a gunpoint.

But what am I gonna do when she's there? Sit here and do nothing? Feeling utterly useless again? I've quite had it. Feeling like this. Like she could handle everything without me.

For a while I thought it's some sort of hurt masculinity. Started when she handled Jeonsu by herself. I tried to silence it, because that would be stupid. But... it's neither hurt masculinity nor concern.

"I'll manage." She smiles. "Thank you."

I press my lips together not to say more. I figured it must be annoying. I always do everything for her. Majority of the fights I've been in throughout my life were for her. I always fight for her, and I'm not really sure how it makes her feel.

Yeeun stops in front of me. She's already dressed up, ready to go. "Okay. What's wrong?" she asks, putting her bag on the coffee table.

When our eyes meet, I sigh. "You know... you know that I think you're really powerful? And strong? And capable?"

She looks confused, waiting for me to continue.

"It terrifies me," I say.

"What do you mean?" She sits next to me.

I roll my head to the side, to look at her. "You're so capable you could take care of yourself. Some criminal masterminds want you because you're clever and powerful. You're independent and strong." I look down, reaching out for her hand. "And I've been... trying to take care of you since forever. I've been... trying to make you believe you need me. All those fights, Yeeun... all those times I fought with anyone who did something to you or talked shit about you, you could fuck them up just as well. But I never wanted you to. Because then you'd know how strong you are without me. And now... I can't even help you. I don't know how to help you. And I feel so fucking useless."

She squeezes my hand, forcing me to look at her. "Even if I can manage this by myself, I still need you. Just to be."

The problem is that she doesn't. Or I'm terrified she actually doesn't. "Do you? Really?"

"What?"

"Please, tell me you do," I mutter, feeling weak. After all those years, fights, punches... I feel weakened. "I'm... I don't know what I'd do if you didn't need me."

Yeeun holds my hand in her both and sits closer. "We promised to be honest. What are you not telling me?"

"I know you will manage by yourself. Today, tomorrow, whatever you do. But I'm deadly scared you'll realize that you don't need me. If you need me, you won't leave."

She watches me like she's never thought about it this way. I can't blame her. I didn't even think about it this way. I always thought pretending things are not actually happening means they are not real. The whole bullshit with my parents. It's never been real. It was like Santa Clause. A cool concept when you're a kid, then you roll your eyes at the idea.