Cure To My Aching Soul

27.I am the darkness

CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN

"What on earth do you think you are doing?" Shivaay asked,clenching his jaw as if it was helping him subside his wrath.

"Shivaay, I was just-" Riddhi fumbled, standing abruptly from her seat.I could tell she was clearly petrified of him just as I was.

"Shivaay, it's not her fault.It was me-" I tried reasoning.

"Anika, why don't you just go back to work.I need a word here with my sister." He said, though it sounded more like a command.

"Anika,just leave."He sounded vexed and annoyed.His eyes were reluctant to meet mine and I couldn't comprehend the multitude of emotions he felt.I did want to argue and demand the reason behind his familiar exasperation but I didn't want people around watching a free show with a free ticket.Passing a final glance at Riddhi,I left.

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(Shivaay)

"Were you out of your brain,"I yelled at my sister who sat on her sofa with an annoyed look; etched all over her face.

"I did nothing wrong Shivaay,she deserves to know the truth."She asserted her opinion with a shrug.

"That's not your story to tell,Riddhi.You had no right to interfere in my fucked up shit."I retorted.I was fuming with rage,I wanted to break every thing in this room in order to vent out my pent-up frustation.

"I am sorry.You are right,I have no rights.I am just no-one to you."She hissed.I knew she was hurt,the tiny droplets would gush out any moment now.

Running my hand across my tangled hair,I tried to calm down before I slipped into my not-so good temper."You know,I meant nothing like that."

"-and that's just not your story alone.Saanvi was my sister too.She was my little Saanvi,Shivaay.My little one-"She sobbed between her hiccups. Burying her face between her palms,she broke down right in front of me.All those painful,gut wrenching memories invaded us and I was the one to be blamed.I am the reason Riddhi lost her little sister,I am the asshole to be blamed.

"I am sorry-"I choked.I couldn't get myself to apologize.

"Stop it.Just stop it.I am fed up with that self pity of yours.You are not the one to be blamed.Your present is here,stop drowning yourself in the past for a mistake you never did,"Riddhi shrieked.I have never seen her lose her calm before.She held my collar,pushing me back but not with enough force to make me fall.

"Let Anika be there for you.Please,she can heal you.She is the one."My sister pleaded.The pain in her eyes tore my heart into ashes.She has gone through a lot and I am the reason again.If she hadn't helped me back then,I would probably be dead by now.

"I can't Riddhi.I can't gather my courage to tell her how dismantled I was.She will walk out once she knows the person I was in my past."I choked again.I can let Anika walk out.I know I had promised to let her in,but not this early.I need her presence a bit longer if not forever and this wouldn't be possible if she gets to know the person I was.

"Stop imagining the worse.She won't,that girl loves you idiot.She wouldn't be here at the first place if she didn't love you."

"I,I can't-"

"Just tell her Shivaay,at least a few bits."She pleaded.She was on her knees before me,distraught and helpless for her brother.

"What do you want me to tell her Riddhi?You want me to tell her how fucked up I am?How I ruined my sister's life?How I am the fucking reason Saanvi isn't here with us anymore?"

"That's not true,"she said with a lump in her throat.

"Or do you want me tell her how I handled my life to forget my past?How I turned into an alcoholic?or how I tortured my elder sister with trauma during my stay at rehab? or the better part where I started taking drugs just to forget that I was the only reason behind my sister's distraught life?"

I took a lamp from a near by table,shattering it right on the floor.This is what I do,break every single person I love.

"Riddhi?Riddhi?"

I knew it was Randheer.The unlocking jingles of the front door could be heard as neither of us were ready to open the door when he rung the bell.Heavy,rushed foot steps screeched the floor as he entered the place.

"Ridd--Holy God! What's going on here?"he asked, scrutinizing his gaze skeptically at me.He rushed towards the floor where Riddhi was sobbing.He gently gathered her in his arms,placing soothing kisses on her forehead as he brushed his hand over her hair trying to clam her down.

"Sshh,It's fine."He consoled her,tightening his grip around her.Riddhi buried her face in his chest, gripping his shirt firmly as if his warmth was driving away her pain.I could never be that for Anika,I would probably be the reason behind her tears.

"I should leave,"I said,grabbing my coat from the sofa.If I spent a moment more,I would probably drown myself in guilt.Remembering the fact that I would never make an ideal partner to Anika,left me afloat in a never ending black hole. She would probably get tired of me and my multi- magnitude shit life.No one wants darkness and a person like Anika definitely doesn't deserve that.

"If you don't tell her,you are being selfish Shivaay."I could hear Riddhi say as I walked out of the door.I can handle being selfish along with many other defective traits of mine.I am willing to have her with me and that's only possible if she doesn't get to know the old me.Yes,I am selfish and I am ready to be one if that guarantees a little more time with Anika.

My cell vibrated inside the pocket of my coat.I had thirteen missed calls from Anika and a multitude of texts.

Anika
1:45pm
Hey,I am sorry.

1:47pm
Don't be angry on Riddhi.I was the one who asked her.

2:00pm
I know I should have waited for you to tell me but I just couldn't.I can't see you like that.I witnessed you having a nightmare yesterday night.
I am sorry.

2:01pm
Please call me back.

2:30pm
Don't leave me like this.Please come back home.I am at the apartment.I just couldn't go back to work.

4:00pm
Shivaay?

I placed by phone back in the pocket without replying to any of her texts or missed calls.I walked ahead with the guilt of betraying the woman I love by not telling her the truth.
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A/N-Here you go.You get more than a peek at his life back then.

Yes,Shivaay blames himself for Saanvi's death and Saanvi is the youngest Oberoi who is two years younger than Shivaay.