The Death Of Me ✔️

opacus

Opacus
(adj.) a cloud dense enough to obscure
the sun or moon.

...

Chapter 82

____________

"But you said-"

Adrian didn't get to finish, however, as I bent down again to throw up. I heard his deep sighs, and the tears stung my eyes. He didn't leave however. He waited patiently until I was done and splashed some water on my face before sitting down on the bathroom floor. The floor felt like home now after two months of this non-stop vomiting.

"I know what I said."

"Then?"

"I don't know." I replied, tying my hair up again. Adrian sighed again, he's been doing that so much lately. I hate it. He came to sit down beside me, there in the smelly bathroom. He touched my soft high delicately.

"If Gray gave you meds, then shouldn't you be getting better already?" He questioned. I nod. "That's what I thought. I've been taking my meds but, its still happening. But don't you think it's less now?"

"Is it?"

I nodded, eager to convince him. "I didn't throw up yesterday. And I could actually finish the grilled cheese you made me. If I'm getting one day intervals between this, this sickness. Then I don't mind really you know." My voice went quiet in the end, realizing how pathetic it sounded. Adrian touched my hand where I was playing with the hem of my shirt.

"I want you to be healthy, no intervals."

"Yeah me too." I replied without meeting his eyes. He gave my hand a firm squeeze.

"Is there anything else that you're not telling me?"

His questioned felt so heavy in my arms. There was a lot of things I wasn't telling him of course. I didn't know how much of it I was ready to tell him.

"I-"

Yeah, I couldn't really bring myself to open up to him. The one person who never judged me. And now, here I am. Scared of getting judged my him.

"It's okay baby, take your time." He leaned into kiss my forehead. When he pulled back, there were tears in my eyes. "I will. I will need a lot of time."

"We got the rest of our lives, babe. You don't need to rush. I'm always waiting."

I was grateful for him. Yet I couldn't bring myself to open up, and tell him how I actually felt. So I thought, maybe because it's Adrian, that's why it's so difficult. But even when it was Ethan and me, alone in his parents house, I couldn't bring myself to speak about it. I broke down crying, sobbing as he tightly held me. But I couldn't say a word. Except for sorry. I was so so sorry, it was eating me up.

I tired to tell Atlas about it. It didn't work. Nothing was working and I was exhausted. All of the emotions I had pent up, it was overwhelming to the point of a breakdown. But the breakdown wasn't happening.

-

"You sure you don't have anything else to do?"

Shawn sighed as he pulled into the right lane, nearing the gang house. "How many times do I have to tell you? I miss hanging out with you! And I also need some help with Physics."

"Really? It's about physics?" I inquired. He chuckled. "Why? Can I not spend time with you if it's not about physics? Does your little boyfriend mind when I'm there?"