So after I met my soulmates (which was a month ago)in person they made time to visit me at the Zoo or at the house. There would be times when they'd invite me to there house as well. Things between them and I have been great. We spent a lot of time together and we have grown close. Even though they have shown me that they are here to stay and that they like me for me. It doesn't stop my brain from having negative thoughts.
The thought of me not being good enough for them always and I mean always is present. When I'm with them it slowly fades away but when I'm not the voice gets a lot louder.
I know I'm not good enough. I know that. But they make me feel special.
Right now I was in a part of the lion enclosure where I was with the lion cub I carried a month ago. He was growing and he was growing to like me. Which was great. He's name way Walle. Some of the works liked how close Walle has been growing close to me.
"Come Walle time for lunch." I called out. I smiled when I saw him run towards me. I sat down on the floor as Walle jumped on to my lap. "Hey Walle. Easy there buddy. Okay set boy." He jumped off me and sat down. Yea he listens to me. Which is great.
"Good boy." I set his food down as I scratched his ear. I smiled and looked up seeing some people looking down at me. I looked away seeing that they were looking at me with judging eyes. They also had their phones out and it seemed like they were recording me. I looked back down to see Walle pawing at my boots. I smiled and picked him up. It was time for his bath anyway.
"You're ugly! You don't deserve the girls!"
I stopped in my tracks feeling my insecurities wash over. The voices in my head, the ones telling me I'm not good enough, the ones that aren't any good. I didn't bother to look back and just walked into the building with Walle in my arms.
I felt a small nudge on my chin I looked down seeing Walle looking up at me. He reached up and licked my tears away. I just realized that I was crying. I wiped my tears away and continued to do my job.
*
I gathered my things from the locker I had at zoo when my phone started ringing. I looked down at my phone to see that Ally was calling me. I let the phone ring. I know I shouldn't shut them out. But am I really good enough. Was that person right? I don't deserve them. They're too good for me. Maybe I should stay away. Put some distance between us.
At the end of the day they don't need me.
*
These past few days have been hard. Real hard. The only reason why I been good at avoiding them it was only because they weren't in the same state. They have tried everything to get in contact with me but I haven't. And I know it was bitch move but-
"Y/NN sweetheart come here please."
I stood up from my desk closing my book. The tattoos have been feeling a bit itchy almost like this small burning sensation. I walked out my room down the stairs. I entered the dinning room to see my dad and mom sitting at the table.
"Uh what's-what's wrong?" My mom let out a small sigh. I shifted on my feet seeing the look she had. It was the look of disappointment and my dad also had the same look.
"Y/N the girls called us. They want to know why you've been so distant." I felt like this was going to happen. I just didn't want to make this harder than it had to be. It hurt me a lot but I just don't know why the universe thinks that I'm good enough to be they're soulmates. Cause I sure as hell believe that I'm not.
Maybe they think that they should be they're with me. Maybe because they're famous and I was in a way exposed they probably thought that they needed to reach out to me. Only because they didn't want to damage their image. Maybe they probably feel pressured to do this. Maybe they'll-
