Fighting for love

Chapter 63

"There, in a meadow by the river's side, I am sitting on a rocking chair. Everything is peaceful. It is a little hot, but I don't mind. It makes me feel alive. I can feel the sun on my skin, with the wind flowing. Out of nowhere, I hear someone laughing. The laugh is followed by a giggle. I get up and look around looking for the person who is laughing, but I can't see anyone. I am about to sit down when I hear another laughter. I decide to follow that sound, out of curiosity. I leave the river behind me and walk in the opposite direction. I see, few meters away, what seems to be two kids, a boy and a girl, playing in the meadow. I can't see their faces, but they seem to be genuinely happy. I walk towards them, but the more I try, the more they seem to be moving away and I can't reach them. I don't know why but it makes me angry. I want to be with them. I start to run, but I fall on the ground, hurting my ankle. It hurts. It really hurts. I am about to cry, when I feel a shadow over me, blocking the sun. The kids are standing there, staring at me. Their faces are blurred, but there is a soft smile on their lips. The girl tells me: You have to let us go mom; We are happy; You have to be happy. And then, they disappear and I wake up."

Clytia turned her head and stared at the woman sitting in front of them: Dr Coleman. She kept having the same dream for weeks now, sometimes several time during the same night. The sexagenarian woman who had been their therapist for the past month, insisted she told them about the dream. Clytia was not her biggest fan. Not that she was not competent. But Clytia didn't like talking about her feeling to a stranger. And she hated the fact that she couldn't read her.

"Clytia, thank you for sharing your dream with us." Dr. Coleman started. "But I couldn't help but notice that there was no emotion in your voice, almost like you were talking about the weather."

"Did you expect me to cry my eyes out?" Clytia asked.

"There is no shame in showing some vulnerability. How do you feel when you wake up? After the dream?"

Clytia glanced at Nolam who was sitting on the couch beside her. She knew he was trying his best to avoid crying, again. She sighed. It made her feel like an asshole. He was so open with his emotions.

She checked quickly time on her phone. Five minutes left. She sighed. "I feel like... sad and guilty."

"Why guilty?" Nolam asked, making her shifting on the couch and looking at him.

"I don't know... I guess I feel guilty for being alive when kids didn't get that chance."

"You never told me that." Nolam had his brows furrowed, while he took her hands in his, his voice laced with worry.

"Why would you keep all that buckled up? The dream? Your feelings?" Dr Coleman asked.

Clytia's eyes shifted from Nolam to Dr Coleman. She hated to be the center of their attention. What was she supposed to say? What were they expecting from her?
Gently she removed one of her hands from Nolam's to check the time one more time. She knew it could come up as rude, yet she didn't care at this point. She just wanted this session to be over.

"I know the time is up, but I would like for you Clytia to bear with us a minute or two. You should not feel guilty. What happened, happened. But you are here, with your love ones. You have more than one reason to hang on to life and make the best of it. For next week, I want you to write two letters. In the first one, I want you to write everything you are thankful for in your life. And in the second one, I want you to write to your babies and tell them whatever you want and feel. You will read those letters next week and we shall discuss them. Both of you. Is that okay?"

Clytia nodded, happy to finally be able to leave.

***************

Clytia and Nolam were at the Olmsted Park, sitting by the river under a tree. The park was pretty empty. She was sitting by his side, her head on his shoulder while his arms were on her waist. They didn't feel like going back to his parents' house when their session with the therapist was over. They wanted have some alone time.