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third-person pov may 7
the sun appeared to shine healthily upon every single thing that moved that day: the plants, the trees, the people, everything that thrived. the clouds showed not a single sign of its entrance, thus letting the townsfolk know that a clear sky was to be expected today. the flowers swayed freely in the wind as it blossomed effortlessly and the birds sang, in a happy tone, the song of its people.
everyone seemed to be happy today: whenever i crossed the streets, i would see a happy smile on their faces. when i saw a person with not a smile, they would still be happy the minute after i would blink. to be fair, i was pretty envious of them. the reason why would be stated within the next paragraphs below.
"miss y/n, you have been unable to pass the article i needed. not only that but you have not even passed it on the deadline or at least a day after the deadline, what has gotten into you?"
my boss was pretty upset with me because i was unable to pass the article he needed: to be fair, i was angry at myself as well. however, i could not help it, i could not help myself. there just seemed to be something fueling my nightmares every night - i cannot bring myself around it nor can i understand it any further than the fact that i was the favorite topic the nightmare discussed.
the intervals i would have each time made everything worse. nobody was there to help me: as much as i wanted someone to help me, i couldn't. i shouldn't. by the end of the day, it was always me that took control of myself, so why not have myself help me?
the nightmares, as well, always reminded me about my significant childhood, which only fragments of i can only remember, then forget. i hated that i could forget, but i loved that i could not remember. sometimes i felt like it was better to forget than to remember it at all.
"i-i am sorry sir," i bowed frantically at him, "i really did not mean to forget it, i just-"
"forget about it, y/n. what are you even going to tell me? you had nightmares?" he raised an eyebrow, cutting my apology off, "aren't you the bravest one out of all of us?"
he didn't let me finish my sentence, but he was right about one thing. he always knew that if it came to anything risky to a certain level, the only person fit for the job was always me. everybody else always had me carrying the team because my curiosity was far too intriguing for them to consider the case as interesting to them. i cannot control it - it's always been like this for me.
i sighed. "well, yes, but you see-"
"y/n, you already turned 20. you're supposed to be an adult and be able to do your tasks properly just like one. look at Lia over there, she's already 18, but it seems as though she could handle a mass homicide case more than you can."
that phrase really hurt my feelings back there. though it was already hours ago, just thinking about it really made me feel like i was stabbed in my chest. i did not mean to let everybody down, i really did not intend for that to happen, but somehow, i just feel like it, nonetheless, took place. there is nothing more i can do but take the blame.
