106 | Christmas

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Blaze pov

The cold weather, the fireplace burning emanating a soft warmness into the house, the children's playing and screaming, the turkey is almost done, the socks by the fireplace full, the people talking and gambling. In contrast, the younger ones roam around the tree to inspect the presenters and the tiny ones cry for attention and food.

I guess that is what Christmas should be like. I couldn't possibly know because my Christmas was never like that. My parents would go to work while me and my brothers opened the presents alone in the big cold living room surrounded by servants. I couldn't complain because that was all I knew and it wasn't bad, it was ok, it was normal, it was our tradition. When my sister died, things changed for the worse. I wasn't allowed downstairs during Christmas Eve and or any festive days because, from that moment on, that big stone house was more like a mausoleum for my dead sister.

There was this monotone and cold atmosphere on weekdays, on weekends, and mostly on holidays... they say they missed her more however they were never with us on those days. My brother probably has a distorted memory of those festivities days. He got the attention to himself whenever they were on a good day, on others he would just get ignored like me, however, his ego ignores the bad days of his life, and he always felt proud of being the replacement for Annalise. The son who does everything right, sadly that's just compensation for their daughter's loss. Damien is just a substitute for their pain and grief.

Today for the first time, I have a house full of people on Christmas day. I can see the snow outside, and the weather is cold outside, I have turned on the fireplace, and Eleonora's cousins are playing together with some early Christmas gifts, the turkey is almost made, and she placed red socks on the fireplace and small presents and treats inside them,  the uncle's are playing cards waiting for the dinner and the small ones are either trying to see their present under the Christmas tree like Charlie and some are begging their dad for more food like Malory.

I don't know how I got here, inside this big family, I don't belong here but somehow I feel like I do. She is the cause of all. I finally feel integrated, part of something and it freaks me out.

This changes that she caused in my life and in me are somewhat scary. It freaks me out, should I fall with open arms and closed eyes into thus abyss of the unknown for her? Change all that I've known for her?

"Babe! You're thinking too much again" she whispered in my head as she placed down the hot rice in the table

"Yeah sorry-" I shook my head taking this thoughts out of my mind

"Go get the door Louis is almost here" she said, I got up and tried to reach the door between the filled living room

I walked to the monitor as the receptionist downstairs warned me Louis was here, I have my permission for them to come up. I waited a few minutes watching the sight of my living room, this living room never had so many people, such live in this enormous space. I would never guess this would happened if two years ago I told myself this would be happening I would hardly deny, I look like a complete married man, getting the door, welcoming the friends and family for a Christmas dinner.

This is way out of my comfort zone, of what I am used to. A family that perpetuates comfort, friendship, love, laughs and smiles is not at all what I thought that a family could be. I have heard that it was possible but I had never seen it with my own eyes and much less would I thought that I would be integrated in this family.

"Buddie!" Louis hugged me brushing my thoughts away

"Hey Lou!"

"UNCLE BLAZE!" the kids came running helding both my legs

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