Twenty Two

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I locked eyes with Levi. He didn't seem happy nor irritated. In fact, I wasn't sure what he was feeling.

His face was expressionless as ever, save for the small frown taking over his lips. He sat on the wooden chair finally wearing his buttoned shirt. I was somewhat thankful to the piece of clothing covering him.

Yet, that was the least thing on my mind. Instead, all I could think about is those bloody screams. All I could envision was that young man's face filled with terror and the way his eyes begged me to save him.

A shiver goes down my spine, my heart plummeting to my stomach. Without my consent a lone tear streams down my cheek. I catch Levi raising an eyebrow in surprise.

"I'm assuming it was," he says a loud. Hastily I turn the other way. With the palm of my hand I roughly wipe away the tear with a sniff.

"Have you been watching me?" I found myself asking instead of scolding him for his perceptiveness. Levi doesn't respond right away.

I stay as I was with my knees close to my chest. It did little to comfort me. I hear Levi shift on his chair before letting out a small sigh.

"It's hard not to when you keep whimpering like a puppy," he mutters.

"Shut up," I growl. Embarrassment runs strongly through my blood, my cheeks were tainted with it.

I'm able to control what I think when awake but once unconscious, my memories take over. I'm then reminded of all the horrible things I've done. With this recent dream being the worst.

I hug my knees closer before burying my face in them. Levi doesn't speak and gives me the silence he thought I needed. However, silence only made things worse.

I was continuously reminded how much I dreaded being Squad Leader and the blood that will forever stain my hands.

Erwin's words were painted across my mind, "Wasn't losing twenty Scouts two years ago and being the only one making it out alive enough? Or did you not get your fill of making bad decisions?"

I was starting to think I was reverting back to my old ways. Maybe my arrogance never truly left. Maybe I didn't get my fill.

"Hey, Levi?" I hear myself murmur. Levi sighs in his chair, his eyes never left me. His attention was upon me completely.

"What?"

I hesitate for a moment. I wasn't totally sure why I called him, my voice acted upon its own. Now I don't know what to say.

I'm against pouring out every detail of my nightmares to him but, I wanted all my thoughts to be rid of. I've been handling this alone, would it be nice to speak them aloud to someone? I mindlessly started to fumble with the sheets. I keep my eyes firmly upon my fingers.

"Just out of curiosity, have you ever had the same reoccurring dream over and over again?"

It took all my energy to voice that out. It wasn't too plain nor too detailed like I wanted. He doesn't reply immediately, I figured he was thinking of an answer.

"Dream or nightmare?" Levi inquired instead. I knew what he was implying at and made no accusation of it. I grip the blankets tighter while biting my lip.

"Nightmare," I breathe. I glance once more over my arm to see Levi cock his head while gazing at the wall on his right. His shrugs nonchalantly before returning his gaze to me.

"No," he replies dully. I turn away with a sigh.

"Figures."

Of course nightmares isn't a problem to him. A born Titan killer like himself who felt nothing but anger could never truly know what it's like to have something eat away at your sanity. He doesn't care about who died for our cause or not.

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