Destined

12.

The car ride was silent, he didn't even try to make eye contact with me.

I had said nothing to him about what he had told me, even though any girl on the planet would have probably fell in his arms after he confessed to them that he'd talked to his Mother about them and yet here I was, sitting next to one in the passengers seat of his car with not one word to say about it.

I start to flick through the radio stations until I end up on 88.1. I begin to nod my head to the classical jazz music, watching Jayon from the corner of my eye.

I see him show a small smile as his eyes continue to stay on the road. He didn't have to look at me to laugh, because he could just tell I was watching him.

"Extra ass," he shakes his head while turning a corner.

I begin to smile, placing my hand on the thigh of his pants. We made a hard stop at a stop sign, and he finally makes eye contact with me. He palms the top of my hand while moving it closer to the middle of his pants, trying to get my fingers to fidget with the zipper.

"Jayon," my hands started to get clammy once I understood what he wanted me to do.

"Huh?" he turns the radio down, and slowly leans back in his seat.

"I don't know how too," I pull my hand away from his zipper.

"Just rub the tip for now," he guides my hand back to his pants. "Unzip me," his voice deepens. I make an attempt to pull his zipper down, until we hear a car honk from the back of us.

"Fuck," Jayon says, zipping his zipper all the way up. "We're not done yet,"

"I know," I say, silently thanking the person who honked at us.

I guess I owed him in a way, but I had never done anything sexual with a guy, he knew I wasn't experienced..didn't he?

He begins to accelerate the engine of his car, and it becomes silent again.
"Jayon, you almost made me jack you, you can't keep ignoring me now," I state, looking out of the window.

"I'm not ignoring you."

"You are. You haven't even looked at me fully,"

"When are you gonna tell your Mom about me?" He asks, pulling into my houses.

I shrug. "I left my number in your glove department because I couldn't get in your phone to put it there, text me when you're home,"

"Okay," he huffs.

Once we reached my house, his car comes to a stop again. He pulls the key from his ignition and began to watch me as I got out. "Imma call you so stay up," he tells me before I shut his door.

I wave to him, making my way to my door. It opens just before I even attempt to knock.
"Dj," Deon says, looking over my shoulder. "Is that the boy you were telling me about?"

I turn around, his red car was still there flashing its bright lights.
"Yeah," I blushed, walking past him in a hurry.

"What is he waiting for?" Deon questions, slowly shutting the door.

I look out of the peep hole and notice that he was finally getting ready to leave.
"I guess he was waiting for me to get inside," I grin.

"It's 10:35, I'm glad you came home earlier. There's some things I wanna talk to you about,"

I sit on the couch, looking at Deon suspiciously. He sits next to me in silence while the animated characters played on the television.

"I think...I think I might be gay," Deon begins.

I look at him in shock, my stomach feels as if it's lost it's ability to digest. I lowered my head closer to his. "Deon.." I touch his shoulder, pushing my braids back.

He sees that I'm at a lost for words and pushes my hand off of him. I know I didn't give him the reaction he might have wanted, but that was a lot for me to take in in such a short amount of time.

"What is making you question yourself?" I ask him.

"Adrian," he tells me. His voice cracked at the mention of Amber's little brothers name.

"What happened between you guys?"

"Nothing, I just realized that I was starting to like him, in the way I thought I would like a girl. I feel disgusted with myself, I don't wanna be gay Dj, I wanna be normal." His eyes had began to water and I tried to think of something to say, something that could comfort him..but I couldn't say anything. I couldn't figure out what I could say either.

Something had told me Deon would grow up to be different the moment I saw him in diapers. The kind of different that would leave everyone in the family speechless. Being gay was a sin in our family even though my Grandmother had a brother that was gay. She loved him but always had hate for his lifestyle.

A memory comes to mind of the way Deon cried when our Dad left, then I start to piece together my thoughts about him always wanting to be under my Mother and me. The way he would care so much about something he'd let it take over his whole life; he'd always been passionate, but so sensitive. He always had an interest in what I was interested in, but I never would have thought that this would be the reason why. I reached out to him to give him a hug, just to remind him that I would love him no matter what he decided to be. He was still my baby brother and he was always going to get the same respect from me because his heart deserved it. I now understood him more than I ever could have in his 14 years of living.

He rubs his face. "That's probably why Dad left though," he sniffs. "No man wants a gay son,"

His words cut deep through me. I position myself to sit straight, wiping Deon's tears with my thumb. "Dad left because he wasn't strong enough to stay. Don't ever think that he left because of you. He did love us, and he most likely always will. But Deon you need to understand that we don't need him, we never did, we're even stronger without him," I say.

"Thank you Dj," he sniffs again. "I'm glad you're my sister," he smiles, giving me another hug.

"I'm glad you're my brother," I tell him.