Destined

50

Me and Amber's evening had been civil, there was no crying involved after what happened earlier. We had spent the remainder of our time chatting about me and Jayon, I told her everything that had happened between us and she was stunned. She never thought I'd break out of my shell for any guy, and honestly I didn't either until I met him. He was special.

We were laying on the couch, her head was on my lap. I played with the fluffliness of her hair while she faced towards the ceiling.

I looked at her cell phone, it was now 5:40 pm. Jayon hadn't communicated with me all day.

"Weren't we suppose to hang with Jayon and his cousin today?" She asks me in a nonchalant tone.

"Yeah, I'm not sure what's he's doing," I stop the movements I was making in her hair, picking up her phone to call him.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Calling him," I told her, dialing his number and proceeding to push the green button.

The phone rang for awhile before going straight to voicemail. "Damn," she says.

"Who cares," I say, not meaning it at all. I hated to look stupid by listening to the things he said to me sometimes.

"You do," she says looking at me, she knew I did.

I shake my head, putting her phone back down.

"So I'm starting to think Adrian is getting romantically involved with girls," Amber says closing her eyes with a small grin. "He's growing up fast Dj, nigga was just running around in diapers tryna shoot people with hangers and now he's interested in girls. I don't know how to talk to him about them though, cause I don't want him to end up with just any girl. You know? Like, what would you say to Deon if you suspected he had a girlfriend?"

The mention of Deon's name with the word "girlfriend" made me think. I wasn't disappointed in him, he was always gonna be my baby brother, but knowing the fact that I probably wouldn't have been an auntie in the natural way bugged me. I mean, I was still 16, trying to understand why my brother was attracted to the same things I was, but then I remembered how he grew up, and the things he was forced to do with me sometimes.

My mother made him do his own hair at one point but when he met Adrian he wanted to cut it off to seem more boyish so that Adrian would like him. They got even more closer after that, but Deon was never fully happy about cutting his hair because he loved brushing it when he was younger.

She would make him watch the same things I did on tv at a young age, like Dora, Ni Hao Kai-lan, Olivia, things like that. She believed it was good for his mind, it wasn't as intense as little boy cartoons if they ever were intense. Things like Go, Diego Go! were banned in the house because she thought it showed children that it was okay to love animals that could kill us in real life, even though Dora portrayed that too, just not as much. The clothes she made him wear as a child were always skimpy and tight. She never really gave Deon a choice to decide what he wanted, so he grew up how I did. My father never noticed though, he loved Deon just how he was, but I had a feeling that if my mother found out he was gay she would be disappointed. It didn't make sense though, because she was the one that made him question himself in the first place.

"Dj?" Amber gets me out of my thoughts. "What would you say? You always have the best advice,"

"Amber, Deon isn't attracted to girls. He likes boys," I tell her. She raises her head up, her mouth half-opened.

"No way," she's shocked, while I nod.

"How long have you known this?"

"About a month now. He's been real insecure about it, our mother doesn't know, but he told me because he was feeling out of place about it. I just gave him the best advice, so now he's a bit more comfortable with it, but yeah. I wouldn't know how to talk to him about girls,"

"Why didn't you tell me this shit earlier?" Amber asks, her eyes were wide open. "Does Adrian know?"

"No, he doesn't want him to know either. He thinks that if Adrian knows, he'll stop being his friend,"

"That's not true. Adrian loves Deon, they wouldn't stop being friends over Deon's sexual orientation,"

"How do you know this Amber?" I ask her.

She shakes her head. "I don't," she says quietly.

"Exactly. I'll be damned if my brother loses a good friend just because he likes the same gender,"

"Trust me, I would be damned too. But you should let me talk to him,"

"To who?"

"Adrian, I could tell him to just be cool about it. I'm sure Deon wouldn't try anything on him, he knows Adrian is straight,"

"Yes he does, he in fact does," I tell her.

"Dj? Is there something else I should know?"

"Well, Deon came out while telling me he liked Adrian,"

"And you were gonna leave that out?" Ambers voice raises, she rubs the sides of her head in a eager manner.

"Look, this baby is making you more jumpy than usual," I tell her, crossing my legs.

"It's just crazy how he likes Adrian, like has he not seen that mans room? Disgusting," Amber says, making me laugh.

"This isn't a joke," I tell her. "I haven't thought about Deon since you've been in the hospital, but now since you're out, I should talk to him about it more. He needs reassurance,"

"I agree," she says. "And when I tell Adrian I'll tell my father I'm pregnant too,"

"Okay Amber, now you're just doing a lot," I tell her.

"What? He needs to know, and while I'm telling Adrian about Deon, I'll make sure my fathers around, and then I can just casually slide in the fact that I'm pregnant. I mean, my mother knows. She'd be around,"

"You can't just casually slide in the fact that you're pregnant to your father,"

"You're forgetting my father is white. What can he really do about it? Ground me?"

"Oh yeah, lucky you," I say, pushing her in the shoulder. "He'll probably congratulate ya ass,"

"Shut the fuck up," Amber says, pushing me back while laughing.

We had always been able to make each-other laugh, no matter what the situation. I wanted that to last forever.