Lost Loving Souls (Connor x Reader)

Chapter 151

Two weeks. It had already been almost two weeks since you'd dropped off the map. The police had stopped searching for you, but you knew that Connor and the rest of the gang hadn't. Connor wasn't one to give up easily. As soon as there was word that you were safe, the police had stopped searching. After all, people did have the right to disappear if they wanted to. 

You wondered what Connor had told people. Could he really tell them the truth? Would Gavin even allow him to tell the secret? It wasn't exactly a proud truth. Still, what was happening with them was no longer your concern. You had yourself and a baby to take care of. So far, it had been harder than you thought. Lila had been helping you through it all, but she couldn't get rid of the negative emotions that seemed to be hanging onto you with a grip of steel. 

So far, however, nobody on the streets had recognized you. The new-look had worked. Still, you had only just started risking going out. Lila had been doing it all for you. You hadn't taken any chances with the police, so, now that the streets weren't being patrolled, you were free to walk around. 

You were actually out and about at the moment. You were getting some air and you were going to a nearby Cafe coffee shop to get something sweet for breakfast. You walked inside and you went up to the front. You'd become a regular here, so the people that worked there liked seeing you.

"Hello, (Y/n)! What will it be today?" Anthony asked. You chuckled at the young man. His happy attitude was always nice in the morning. He wasn't over the top, but his smile could make anybody feel better.

"You know what I like, Tony." You called him Tony for short sometimes. He smiled and nodded. You were about to get out some money for him, but he held up his hand. You were confused.

"I also know when you're having a bad morning. Just this once...on the house." He whispered with a wink. You smiled.

"And I thought there wasn't hope for us humans." Even though I'm not exactly human anymore. He sighed, still having a smile on his face.

"Well...if a quote on quote machine can show kindness and mercy...maybe we should start too." He told you, handing you your food and drink. You gave him a thankful smile. It was even in a to-go bag. He really could read minds.

"Thank you, Tony." 

"In your situation, you deserve all the help you can get. It's not a problem." He insisted. You left feeling a lot better. As you were walking, you suddenly bumped into someone. 

"Oh! I'm so sorry, Ma'am!" Nothing was wrecked or splashed on you, so it wasn't a big deal.

"It's alright. No harm done-" You paused. You knew this girl. She figured that out too. 

"(Y/n)!?"

"Cynthia..." You breathed. 

"Oh my god! You're alright! Connor is going to be-" At the mention of Connor finding out, you ran. "(Y/n)! Wait!" You kept running. You were glad that you had a beanie on that morning. She hadn't seen your hair. You'd looked more like your normal self that morning. That's why she recognized me. I need to be more careful. 

You kept running until you were safe in the building. Lila saw you rush in. She knew that something was wrong and hurried over to you.

"(Y/n)? What happened? What's wrong?" She asked. You took a few moments to breathe as she took you up to your room.

"A-a friend of mine saw me. She recognized me." You explained. 

"Did she see your hair?" 

"No. I don't think she realized I changed my look. I knew I should've been more careful about that." 

"Well, I'll go out for you if you need me to-"

"No. No, I can't stay locked up in my room forever. I'll just be more careful. I'll make sure I don't look like myself every time I go out and...I-I'll be fine." You assured her. You stayed in your room for the rest of the day. You looked out the window, seeing cop cars around. The shop was close enough that, from what story of the building you were on, you could easily watch the street below. Sorry, Tony. You thought. He didn't know where you lived, so you were glad that, even if he did say anything, they wouldn't know where you were.

You sighed and closed the curtains. I can't go anywhere anymore. Connor is too determined to find me. Why can't he just let me live peacefully? I just need time. Can't he understand that? You wished it were that simple. Nothing is simple anymore. 

You watched TV for a while before your stomach growled. You chuckled lightly. "Hey, relax in there. I understand you need to eat too, but I only want to get so big, you little pig." You got something to eat and then you went back to relaxing on the couch. 

The days seemed so long now and nights felt even longer. You had no idea what you were going to do. You wouldn't have even made it this far without help. It was all exhausting. Your stress levels were almost always raised and no matter how much you tried, it was incredibly difficult to lower them. 

You thought about Connor and the cats. You didn't know how to feel about it all. You hoped the cats were alright and...even if you were on the fence about the whole situation, you didn't want Connor to suffer. 

You sighed heavily once again as you laid there. It seemed to be the only noise you could make lately. Then again, what else could you do? You just didn't know.

You got up and turned off the TV. You needed something to help you relax, but you didn't know what that could possibly be. You had an idea soon after that you hoped would help.

You went to the bathroom and filled up the big tub there. Lila had given you a pretty nice place to stay in. At least I'm living in some sort of comfort. You slipped out of everything and carefully got into the tub. You laid back, letting the warm water soak into your skin and soothe you. You looked at your bump again. It was showing a little bit more now, but not much. "You really are growing fast, aren't you?" You sometimes talked to them, just to get your emotions out. It was kind of nice knowing somebody was always with you. It made you feel a little less alone. 

As you laid there, you let yourself babble on to the little bump. They might not have been able to talk back, but...something told you that they were listening. "I'm sorry I had to run again today. You must hate being bounced around in there. At least, I hope it's early on enough that you can tough through that. Anyway, um...I know that I might not have wanted this to happen, but since it did, I really am glad I have you. I...I guess I just want you to know that I love you. I don't know you yet, but...I love you. I-I hope you like me as a mother too. I-I know I've said this before, but I'm going to try to be the best I can be for you. I...God, what am I gonna do? I-I can't be a parent like this... You're gonna hate this. You're gonna hate me. I-I'm such a terrible mother and you aren't even here yet..." 

You began to cry, sobbing softly to yourself as you spoke. "I-I'm so sorry...I-I don't even know who I'm saying so too. I have so much to be sorry about." Your tears fell into the water as you stayed there, feeling even more alone than before. "S-somebody help me...please...make it stop." You begged quietly. "I-I just want all this to stop..."